La Douleur Exquise
by Waywardgoddess666
Summary: The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable. Ada is in love with Sam. How does she cope when he falls in love with another hunter?
1. Chapter 1

_The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **Chapter One**

 _The most terrible loneliness is in loving someone completely, deeply, and without reserve; and knowing that you are not loved that way in return._

Sam Winchester is an idiot.

Or at least that's what Dean tells me. I can't say I agree with him though, after all, I am madly in love with his brother.

You see, as soon as I met the boys on a hunt, I knew I was done for. Tall, muscular, strong yet sensitive, and so deliciously good looking. What's not to love, right? Both boys were handsome, but there was something about Sam, something that I found captivating.

I was lying on my stomach on one of the beds in the motel we were currently holed up in, my elbows propping me up as i looked at the laptop in front of me, trying to research whatever monster of the week we were dealing with. It wasn't going well. I kept re-reading the same sentence, my eyes blurry from looking at the bright screen.

I felt a light slap on my ass and I turned to see Dean standing next to the bed grinning. "Bunk over, short stuff."

I rolled over onto my back so that Dean could lie next to me, closing the laptop and setting it onto the floor before cuddling the up to my best friend. He opened his arms willingly and I rested my head on his chest, my own arms wrapping around his waist. "Enough with the research. My eyes are about to start bleeding from looking at the bright screen. I need sleep." I complained, my eyes already starting to droop.

Sam sighed from across the room, closing his own laptop and raising his eyebrows as he looked over to us on the bed, a slight smirk on his face. I always shared a bed with Dean when we were hunting. It was hard enough getting through the day being around Sam, sharing a bed with him would be too much. I'd probably spontaneously combust.

"You two comfortable over there?" he said, amused at the flirting between us.

Dean flashed him a shit-eating grin. "You're missing out Sammy. She spoons like a pro."

I slapped his chest lightly. "Hey! You're making me sound like a spooning whore!" Giggling, I looked over at Sam and wiggled my eyebrows up and down. "Anytime for you though Sam."

He leaned back on his chair, crossing his arms as he let out a loud laugh. "Yeah, I'll pass thanks."

My smile faltered, embarrassed by my weak attempt at flirting and my grip tightened around Dean's waist. He glanced down at me before looking back at Sam, who had already looked away and was stood, about to go to the bathroom.

"Huh, your loss."

As soon as the bathroom door closed, I let out a small sigh. It got harder every time I tried and by now, I should know better.

"Hey, hey," Dean said softly, cupping my chin and moving my head up so that he could look at me. "Listen to me. He's an idiot, can't see what's staring him right in the face. He'd be lucky to have you. Hell, any man would be lucky to have you, including myself. Maybe if you told him how you feel..."

I shook my head and looked up into his emerald eyes. "It's ok, he doesn't see me as anything other than a friend. You and I both know that, you don't have to lie to me."

He leaned down and kissed the top of my head. "I'm not lying sweetheart." Scooting down into the bed, he pulled me with him and covered us both with the scratchy motel blankets. "Get some sleep. We've got a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

I kissed his cheek before resting my head on his chest. "Love you too Dean." Letting out a long sigh, I let my body relax and closed my eyes, the sound of Dean's heartbeat lulling me to sleep.

Meeting the Winchesters had come at a pivotal point in my life. My family had been dead for a couple years and I was hunting solo, angry and needing retribution on every single evil thing I could get my hands on. I hadn't grieved the death of my family properly, and I was on a dangerous path, not really caring if I got hurt or even killed. I was being reckless because of how I felt, because of my grief.

It was during a hunt when I met them. I had been tracking a vamp who had slaughtered a family, including their two small children, to his nest when they saved my life. Turns out the nest was bigger than I had originally thought and I'd been overpowered fairly quickly, tied up and ready to be used as a human drinking fountain. Then I'm being saved by these two male model sons of bitches, watching in awe as they took down every one of those vamps before untying me.

They'd been stuck with me ever since.

Dean grew to be my best friend. We just clicked instantly, bouncing off each other, joking around and playfully flirting. I found I could confide in him, knowing that he wouldn't judge me. I loved him dearly. He helped me grieve the only way I knew how; through violence. He understood my need for retribution but also kept me from going too far, from losing myself to the vengeance I craved.

Sam helped me understand my emotions and why I felt such a strong need for revenge. He helped me work through what I felt, to not bottle up my anger and letting it fester, which I suppose contributed towards my feelings for him. Both boys helped me push through those feelings and the desperate hunger I had for revenge.

Dean had figured out my crush pretty quickly; never go out drinking with a Winchester. They will drink you under the table and, for me at least, alcohol equals very loose lips.

I didn't quite know what it was about Sam that made me fall for him. At first we were just friends, not as close as I was with Dean but friends all the same. We'd all go on hunts together and we'd joke around, nothing more. But then every time I saw him, I grew more attracted to him, I was intrigued by him. Every time he walked into the room with Dean, my stomach would flip and I couldn't help but gawk.

And then I was falling, my love for Sam growing until my heart literally ached for him. In a way, I think, knowing that I couldn't have him made me want him even more. Dean encouraged me to talk to him, to tell him how I felt but I always refused. Sam didn't see me like that, he'd never showed those kind of actions or feelings toward me. To him we were just friends so I knew that he would never feel the same way I did for him and there was no way I was going to embarrass myself by telling him. I feared the rejection I knew I'd receive, so I kept it hidden, pushing my love for him deep down inside, trying to carry on with my life the best I could, knowing that we were just friends.


	2. Chapter 2

_The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **Chapter Two**

The one thing I disliked the most about hunting wasn't the demons or the monsters. Nor the near constant ache in my body from fighting, nor the occasional broken bone or stab wound. It was getting dressed in my god damn FBI getup. Give me jeans, leggings and t shirts any day.

I looked at myself in the mirror.

After the embarrassing shoot-down by Sam last night, I thought I'd put in a little extra effort, a couple of extra touches. I wore the tightest black pencil skirt I owned which hugged my curves, with a low cut white blouse. Team it all with a black fitted jacket and some lined stockings, which I mainly wore for myself; they made me feel sexy, and va-va-voom. I looked damn good. Sliding on my black heels, I took one last look at myself, running my fingers through my dark blonde hair, which I'd left loose and slightly curled, and added one last sweep of mascara to make my eyes pop.

Perfect.

I took a deep breath as I opened the door and walked into the motel room, my nerves getting the best of me for a moment and I brushed off some imaginary dust before raising my eyes to look at the boys. Dean had froze, his lips parted slightly as his eyes lingered over my body, shifting on his feet before he finally looked up. "You look...amazing." he said, his eyes wide.

I bit my bottom lip as I felt my cheeks burn.

Sam turned to look at me for a second, not really paying too much attention. "Yeah, you look good Ada." He turned back to the door. "Let's go."

"Thanks?" I muttered, disappointed that my efforts went unnoticed by the person I wanted more than anything. Again, i should have known better.

Dean frowned. "Good? She looks stunning," he looked back at me and winked. "Like I said, stunning sweetheart."

I walked over to him, my heels already pinching my toes, and playfully slapped his arm. "You have to say that 'cos you're my friend." I chuckled.

He slung his arm over my shoulder. "I don't have to say squat. You are beautiful, Ada. Don't let anybody tell you different."

I smiled up at him, my cheeks still burning red and kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

He squeezed my shoulder as we walked through the door towards the Impala.

"Hi, we're here to view the bodies brought in yesterday."

The coroner's assistant glanced up at us. "And you are..."

We pulled out our fake FBI badges. "FBI." Dean nodded towards Sam and then myself. "I'm Agent Mercury, this is Agent May and Agent Gardner." He said confidently, allowing the assistant to look at his badge a little longer before sliding it back into his pocket.

"Your colleague is already talking to the coroner now, just through those doors." He pointed to the double doors that lead to the morgue and the coroner's office.

We looked at each apprehensively and walked through the doors. All I could was that we were actually walking into a real FBI investigation.

She had her back to us as she talked to the coroner, her tousled mahogany hair loose down her back. She only turned to look at us when Dean introduced us. He flashed his badge again. "Hi, Agent..."

She smiled and held out her hand for Dean to shake. "Nicks. I was just going through the autopsy report with Dr Miller here while I waited for you to arrive."

My mouth dropped. She was fucking stunning. Her black FBI suit clung to her curves, which were much more curvier than mine, her hair falling in waves around her oval face, and along with her lightly tanned skin, they complimented her dark blue eyes and made them pop. I looked insignificant standing even near her.

She looked at us with a smile, and I couldn't help but notice how she lingered when she got to Sam, her tongue flicking out to moisten her soft, plump lips. Glancing up at him, I could see just how intrigued he was with her as she was with him. So much for my extra effort. I paled in comparison to her.

Dean raised his brows, giving her a quick once over, not as captivated to her as his brother clearly was. "And?"

She tore her eyes away from Sam and handed Dean the report. "Nothing much I'm afraid. Neck trauma and blood loss in both vic's. Defensive wounds on both their hands so they definitely put up a fight. Sheriff might be able to fill in some blanks."

Dean nodded, handing the report to Sam, who flicked through it. I just stood there, unsure of what I was meant to do, this other 'agent' seemingly rendering me useless.

"I was about to head over there..." she said, looking back up at Sam.

He shoved the report into my hands. "Why don't I accompany you to the sheriff's department while you two," he indicated towards me and Dean. "finish up here."

The coroner went to walk out the door. "Just lock it all back up agents."

The minute he left, we all turned to face her, confusion as to who she actually was. She smiled meekly. She sure did like to fucking smile. "Sorry, I didn't think any other hunter's were on this job. I'm Stacey."

Dean crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. "How did you know we were hunters?"

"You're Sam and Dean Winchester, right? It's not like I don't know who you are, you're pretty well known in the hunter community. The two brothers with infinite lives who saved the world. On more than one occasion. Thanks for that by the way." She glanced over at me. "Although I don't know who you are."

I feigned a smile. "Ada. It's nice to meet a fellow female hunter."

She smiled again, before her gaze landed back on Sam, their lingering looks at each other starting to grate on me. Dean coughed to get everybody's attention. "Ok. We don't really work well with other hunters, sweetheart." he nodded his head towards the bodies. "But I'd like to hear what you think we're dealing with?"

"Vamps." She replied, very matter-of-factly, looking at Dean. "Been tracking a nest through a couple towns, leaving more than a few bodies behind, and they've set up shop here. I have a pretty good idea on where they are but I wanted to check the sheriff to see what he has on the case and what his course of action will be. Can't be too careful, right? But seen as I have already been on their trial...I'm not adverse to working this hunt with you. It would probably be better the more of us there is. I'm not entirely sure how many vamps we're talking about. I think maybe five..." she shrugged her shoulders.

Sam's eyes hadn't left her. He likes her, I thought sadly. And she likes him by the looks of it. I felt Dean's gaze and I looked at him. He could see it too, the way Sam was mesmerised by her, and she him.

"Right," he sighed loudly, "Everyone ok with us all working together?" He looked at me with his brows raised. I nodded my head. It wasn't like I was going to say no, even if I didn't want to work with Tracey? Lacey? Whatever her name is. Sam looked like one of those bobble head toys whose head looked like it was constantly nodding.

"We#ll go to the sheriff, you too finish up here." Sam said quickly, already walking towards the door with her. "Meet back at the diner near the motel when we're finished?"

Dean nodded, scowling at his brother. "Sure, whatever."

I let out a sigh. I knew I needed to suck it up, stow my crap and get on with the job. Dean touched my arm and I plastered on a smile before he pulled me into a tight hug. "Just this case Ada," he kissed the top of my head. "Did I tell you that you look beautiful? Cos you do."

I pushed him away. "Yeah, right." I laughed softly, starting to feel very self-conscious. "Did you see her Dean? Even I wanted to kiss her! I looked plain compared to her."

He shrugged. "Nah, not my type," he grinned, "although I wouldn't have minded watching the two of you get it on..."

I gasped dramatically, my hands flying up to my chest. "Why Dean Winchester! You pervert," I joked as he laughed.

"My eyes would have only been on you though, sweetheart." he winked at me.

"Come on Casanova. We need to concentrate on the case." I said, feeling more than a little flustered. We always flirted with each other jokingly but this felt...different. Pushing my thoughts aside, I tried to concentrate on what we were here for. Walking over to the bodies laid out on the tables, I grabbed a tongue depressor and used it to tilt the first vic's head to the side to get a closer look at his neck. "Definitely vamp's," I said, turning to the other vic and doing the same thing.

Dean was flicking through the file again. "Yep, seems like." He threw the file onto the coroner's desk and watched as I threw the wooden depressor in the trash.

"Food?" I asked, already knowing the answer. "The diner near the motel claims to have the best pie in the state..."

"You had me at pie. Come on," He pushed open the door for me and bowed. Giggling, I curtsied. "Why, thank you kind sir."

He held out his arm for me. "M'lady."

I loved it when he was like this, playful and funny. Like all the shit that weighed heavy on his mind, forgotten at that moment. And I loved that it was just me that he could drop his guard with and just be Dean. The Dean that loved pie, that loved to play pranks and joke around and flirt outrageously. I linked my arm in his and we walked out of the building to the Impala. He opened my door and I climbed in, my skirt riding up and flashing him the tops of my stockings. Blushing, I pulled donwn at my skirt. "Sorry."

His mouth dropped as he stared before blinking, looking uncomfortable and adjusting his stance. "You trying to give me a heart attack?" he joked as he shut the door and slid in behind the steering wheel.

I glanced over at him as he drove towards the diner, humming along to Metallica and using the steering wheel as a drum. I smiled to myself. "Love you Dean." I whispered.

He glanced over at me. "I know"


	3. Chapter 3

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **Chapter three**

I sipped my coffee, watching Dean shovel cherry pie into his mouth, closing his eyes and moaning with each bite. "You two need a room?" I joked, shaking my head. "Seriously, you're going to choke one of these days."

He grinned. "Death by pie. Not a bad way to go if you ask me. At least I'd die with a smile on my face." He looked over at my plate of pie. "You gonna eat that?"

I pushed the plate towards him. "Have at it. Lost my appetite watching you inhale your slice." I said smiling.

"Hey, nothing wrong in enjoying the little things in life." He retorted before shoving another forkful of cherry pie into his mouth, juice dribbling down his chin.

I arched a brow. "Can't take you anywhere," I chided, reaching over to wipe the juice off his chin with my finger, absentmindedly bringing it to my mouth and sucking my finger. Didn't taste half bad.

Dean swallowed the pie in his mouth and stared at me, his tongue flicking out to lick his lips as he moved around in his chair, shifting positions as though he was suddenly uncomfortable.

I looked down, inspecting myself to see if i had anything on my face, patting it lightly. "What? Do I have something on my face?" I asked, still feeling around my face.

He continued to stare, his emerald eyes as wide as saucers before blinking and shaking his head. "You have no idea," he muttered to himself.

I frowned. "What? I didn't hear you Dean..."

He scooped up another forkful of pie. "Did I tell you this pie is delicious?" he blurted out before shoving it into his mouth.

My head tilted a little, watching Dean finish the rest of his pie. I was positive he had said something else. He had looked surprised, almost in shock. But before I could say anything, the bell above the diner's door dinged, followed by a girlish giggle. We both looked over to see Sam and what's her name walk in and make their way over to the booth we were sitting in. Dean moved from opposite me, sliding in next to me, his thigh pressing against mine. My stomach erupted in butterflies as Sam sat directly across from me, Casey or Daisy, whatever, sitting next to him. She giggled again, touching Sam's arm and he smiled over at her.

Dean reached over and squeezed my thigh reassuringly and I inhaled sharply, very aware of how close his fingers were to the tops of my stockings, the touch sending tingles to my core. I looked over at him and he winked at me, moving his hand and bringing it up to rest on the table. What the fuck was that? I thought, a little dumbstruck at my reaction.

"So, sheriff?" Dean asked, looking directly at Sam.

He shook his head. "Nothing we didn't already know. Although he thinks it's some kind of animal attack."

I scoffed. "Always with the animal attacks."

"We did scope out the building Stacey thought the vamps were staying," Sam mentioned as he glanced down at her. "Definitely five vamps we saw, maybe a couple more but we're not entirely sure."

She was practically sitting on his knee. She may as well be fucking him right in front of the entire diner. I couldn't help watch them, the way they were touching each other, the way Sam's eyes would drop to watch her mouth when she talked or licked her lips. He'd never done that with me.

I felt Dean tense beside me. He was not happy. His eyes narrowed as he looked between them both. "You went to the nest? Aren't we supposed to be a team here? You should have called me Sam and waited for us to get there."

"We were in and out of the sheriff's office in ten minutes. What were we supposed to do Dean? We only observed, we didn't leave the car and we weren't spotted."

Dean's whole body was tense and I placed my hand on his arm in an effort to calm him but he shrugged it off.

"You weren't spotted? You know that for sure, Sammy? Just because you want to get Stacey here in the sack doesn't mean you get to work this case without us!" his voice was low and his jaw sat as he stared angrily at Sam. I couldn't blame him. Sam should have waited for us, especially as we didn't know exactly how many vamps we were dealing with. If they'd have been spotted, they would have been overpowered.

Dean stood up and threw some money on the table. "We go tonight. All of us. I want this case finished." He turned and walked straight out the diner.

I was still sat opposite them in the booth, surprised at Dean's outburst and a little upset he'd shrugged me off. "You know he's right, Sam," I agreed, scooting over to get out of the booth. "You should have waited."

Sam frowned. "I had Stacey with me. I did my job."

Standing, I looked at them both. Sam looked embarrassed and a little pissed. "No, you didn't do your job. You're part of a team, we are part of the team. And you decided to scope out the place with a hunter we've known for less than four hours."

Stacey looked up at me frowning. "Hey..."

"Look sweetheart," I smirked, "just 'cos we agreed to work this job with you, doesn't mean you get to make decisions without consulting the rest of us. Remember that after this hunt, all you'll be is another notch on Sam's bed post."

"Ada," Sam warned but I ignored him, still looking at Stacey with a smile on my face.

"I'd advise you to listen to Dean and learn how to work with other hunters." I turned and stormed out of the diner before either of them could say anything. Looking around the parking lot, I couldn't see the Impala. Dean had fucking left me.

"Fuck's sake, Dean. You could have waited for me." I muttered to myself as I began to walk towards the motel. It wasn't that far and within twenty minutes, I was unlocking the door. The Impala wasn't there and I knew that meant Dean was more than likely at a bar. I checked the time on my phone; 4:30pm, so we had plenty of time before we went to kill us some vamps.


	4. Chapter 4

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **Chapter four**

Sitting back on the bed, I grabbed my phone and dialed Dean's number. It rang four times before he picked it up. I could hear music and laughter in the background. "Ada,"

"You know leaving me with Fred and Daphne was a dick move. You could have waited foe me." I admonished, rubbing my toes.

He snickered over the phone. "Yeah, sorry about that."

I lay back down on the bed. "I had to walk all the way back to the motel with heels on. My poor toes are red and sore and I have blisters Dean. Blisters! You seriously owe me Winchester."

"How about when this hunt is finished, and we get back to the bunker, I'll rub your feet and we will watch some chick flick. Deal?"

"Hmm," I smiled, pretending to consider it. "Ok, as long as you make the popcorn too. Oh, and no chick flicks, you know I hate them."

"It's a date then." He agreed.

I heard talking outside the motel door and I sat up. "They're back from the diner, don't leave me here with them too long Dean. I can't watch them act all lovey dovey while I'm here."

I heard him shuffle around. "Ok sweetheart. I'll be ten minutes."

He hung up on me and I turned as the door opened, Sam walking into the room first, holding Stacey's hand as she trailed in behind him. He frowned when he saw me sitting on the bed. I wasn't going to apologise for what I had said and Sam knew it. The room went silent, I swear I heard crickets, until Stacey cleared her throat.

"Ada, I just want to say sorry for what happened before," she claimed, "it was my idea to check out the building and my fault for putting us at risk of being caught. So, for that I apologise."

I let out a long sigh and looked at her. She was only saying this because Sam had asked her too, I could tell from the way she looked up at him and smiled, Sam smiling back down at her. Why the hell did he have to like her? "Look, it's not like we're going to be besties, so you can keep your fake apology. I really don't care. All I want is to kill these vamps and be on my merry way."

"Ada," Sam uttered, shocked at my tone. "You're being rude."

"I'm not being rude, I'm just saying it how it is." I stated shrugging my shoulders. Stacey crossed her arms as she looked at me, reminding me of a spoilt five year old who wasn't getting her own way. I was fully expecting her to stomp her feet.

"You know, I didn't have to agree to work with you."

"Good luck killing that nest of vamps on your own." I was getting pretty tired of her now. The way she was all over Sam, constantly touching him, giggling and batting her eyelashes at him was really pissing me off. "You agreed because you knew you couldn't do it alone so don't start acting all high and mighty now. At the end of the day, we are doing you a favour, not the other way round, sweetie."

She glared at me, her eyes narrowed as she took a step towards me. "Excuse me? Who the hell do you..."

My body was tense as I slowly stood up, my nostrils flaring as I drew in slow and steady breaths. Her eyes widened as she took a step back before Sam grabbed her arm and walked her towards the door.

"Come on, you need to get ready for tonight. I'm going to talk to Ada for a minute."

Stacey nodded, throwing me a dirty look before she left, slamming the door behind her.

Sam rounded on me. "What the hell is your problem Ada?"

I stepped right up to him, my pulse speeding and my heart pounding as my anger continued to rise. "My problem? Oh, I don't know, maybe it's because you've been eye fucking each other all day and not doing your fucking job! I think you need to figure out your priorities before coming at me. Seems to me like this hunter has you wrapped around her finger already."

Sam looked down at me, his eyes cold and hard, his fists clenched by his sides. "You have no idea what you're talking about. We checked out the place to try and work out how many vamps we were dealing with. That's all. It's not that big of a deal."

"And what would have happened if they'd spotted you, huh? Took you into their nest like you were delivered right to them. Meals on wheels. We wouldn't have known about it because you didn't bother to fucking tell us. You just agreed with some hunter slut we've known for half a fucking second and put yourself in danger." I spat, my own fists clenching. I didn't hear the door open as I stepped even closer to Sam, practically nose to, well chest, my anger starting to get the best of me. "It's nauseating watching her fawn all over you. If you're gonna fuck her Sam, then fuck her already so we can leave this shit hole of a town."

I felt a hand around my arm, pulling me back, away from Sam, his eyes widening at my comment. "You have, haven't you? You've already fucked her, haven't you? You've fucked her. That's why you're being so defensive of her because you know we were right, but you'd already slept with her and didn't want us to know. You...you just...you can't even see whats right in front of your face, can you?" I yelled at him, struggling to free myself from whoever was pulling me back. "You're a fucking ass hole Sam."

Turning, I swung a punch at the person pulling me back, only for them to grab my hand and pull it down.

"Ada!"

I heard Dean's voice but I was too upset and angry. "Get your fucking hands off me!" I yanked my arm away and stormed out the door, slamming it hard behind me. I knew Dean would follow me eventually, so I walked over to the bench next to the motel's vending machine and cradled my head in my hands, my eyes filling with tears. I started to sob quietly, my shoulders quaking and my anger ebbing away with each tear that hit the ground. He slept with her. He fucked her after just a couple hours. Sniffing, I wiped my nose and stared down at my hands. Get it together for fuck's sake, I chided myself. You knew this was going to happen either before or after we killed the vamps, that he'd fuck her. I just didn't expect it to happen so quick.

Dean's hand wrapped around my own as he sat down beside me, startling me slightly. I hadn't heard him approach, or the sound of the motel door opening or closing.

"You ok?" he asked, rubbing small circles on the back of my hand.

"Yep. I'm good." I beamed, straightening my back and giving him a wide smile. I had a job to do and there was no way I was going to let Sam or this hunter to get me off my game.

Dean frowned. "Ada..."

Shaking my head, I squeezed his hand and plastered on a smile. "Dean please. I just..." I took a deep breath, "I just want to kill these vamps and go home, ok?"

He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me towards him, my head resting against him. "Ok sweetheart."


	5. Chapter 5

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **Chapter five.**

The plan was for Sam and Stacey to go around to the back of the building, while myself and Dean entered through the front. It was a ground floor building, a small house so the vamps could be hiding anywhere. We were to sweep through the rooms as quickly as possible, slicing and dicing on the way. Easy, right?

I followed Dean into the building, Sam and Stacey already round back, and I gripped my machete tight. I scanned the area; broken windows, debris covering the floor and furniture haphazardly thrown about the room. It smelt musty and old, dust particles flying into the air with every move I made. I was trying not to sneeze, not wanting to alert the vamps to our presence.

I kept as close to Dean as I could but apparently that wasn't close enough as I was grabbed from behind and I let out a squeal of surprise, alerting Dean before a hand wrapped around my throat and cutting off my air supply. My machete fell to the floor, my hands instinctively going to my throat, clawing at the hand to try and relieve some of the pressure. He was letting me breathe but just barely.

Dean spun around, his own machete gripped tight in his hand when he saw me struggling to get free.

"Now, now," the vamp warned, looking down at me and baring his fangs before looking back at Dean. "Wouldn't want me to kill your girlfriend."

"She's not..." he shook his head and glared at the vamp. "Let her go. Now."

He laughed loudly, squeezing my throat a little tighter. He wasn't going to let me go just because Dean told me too. I'd roll my eyes if I wasn't struggling to breathe. "I don't think so. See, you're spoiling our fun in this little town. It's just a few lousy humans, it's not like they'll be missed. After all we are just doing what we do best." He stroked my cheek with his free hand. "I could let her go or I could rip out her throat and drink my fill before you even had time to blink. Either way, you both die."

I let my hands drop and my body go limp, winking at Dean before I pretended to pass out. My fists clenched by my side and I raised one hand before slamming it behind me straight into the vamp's crotch, grabbing his nut sack and twisting them until he let me go. He bent forward, both hands flying to cradle his balls.

"You...you...bitch..." He managed to spit out before Dean stepped forward and sliced the vamps head off, watching it fall to the floor. The head rolled, stopping right in front of my feet.

Dean turned to me and grinned. "That was fucking genius Ada."

I grinned back at him, rubbing my neck as I kicked the head out of the way. "Always the same mistake. Grab the throat and leave the hands free." I bent down to pick up my machete. "The rest of the nest are still here so we need to be on our guard."

We both stood in a defensive stance, raising our machetes at the sound of approaching footsteps, only for Pinky and the Brain to rush into the room. They looked at us, then at the headless body on the floor.

"We killed one outside. If there's six, than that leaves four," Stacey said quietly, looking up at us.

She can count, I thought smirking. "Von vamp, two vamp..." I mimicked the Count's voice from Sesame Street.

Dean sniggered with me, Sam coughing loudly, not looking very amused with us. "Sorry," I mumbled.

Dean's grin widened. "You should have seen it Sammy. She," he nodded his head towards me, "She was fucking awesome..."

Sam frowned, clearly not interested or impressed. "Dude, later. Trying to kill a nest of vamps here."

His smile dropped and he narrowed his eyes. "They're here, they would have heard us..."

The sound of creaking floorboards interrupted him, the four missing vamps running towards us. Stacey was standing a few feet away from us as one of the vamps took a swing at her. I looked around the room,machete raised, noticing an approaching vamp right behind Dean. "Dean! Behind!"

He whirled around, machete swinging and sliced through the vamps neck. Sam was in front of us, taking a few hits before decapitating his own vamp then stepping forward to help Stacey finish off the vamp trying to rip her throat out. I moved to the side of her, pausing to look at the bodies and heads scattered across the floor. I quickly counted four, not including the vamp Sam had killed outside.

I heard a snarl coming from behind me. Stacey had managed to slice off the vamps head just as Sam reached her, smiling in victory as she straightened, not noticing the vamp jump out in between us, a knife flashing in his hand. It was like it was happening in slow motion. I looked at her in shock, moving to push her out of the way. I could hear Sam shouting her name as he grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him just as the vamp thrust the knife forwards. My body twisted and turned as I pushed Stacey and Sam pulled her at the same time. I heard Dean shout my name and my head turned towards him, watching him to run towards me as the knife missed Stacey and slid right into the side of my stomach. Air flew out of my lungs as I bent forwards, my hands flying to the knife and holding it in place. I looked up into the knife and holding it in place. I looked up into the grinning vamps eyes before his head flew from his body, Dean standing behind him breathing heavily with his machete in his hands.

"Ada!"

The body fell to the side, the knife sliding out along with it. My hands sliding out along with it. My hands pressed against the wound, blood flowing through my fingers and I fell to my knees, Dean catching me before I fully fell to the floor. "Dean..."

He lowered me to the ground, cradling my head before he moved my hands to inspect the wound. Blood poured out and covered his hands before he pressed his palm against it, applying as much pressure as he could. He snapped his head towards Sam, who was holding Stacey close to his chest.

"Son of a bitch! Ada was the one needing help Sam!" he yelled, his jaw tight with anger and his body tense.

I gripped onto his jacket, my breath coming in pants because of the pain. "Hey, I'm...I'm fine. "'Tis but a scratch." I giggled at my Monty Python reference then let out a groan as pain shot through me at the movement. My vision was beginning to blur, black spots appearing before my eyes.

"Get the car, we need to get her stitched up." I heard him shout at Sam. "Hurry the fuck up."

He cupped my face and I leaned into it. "It's ok sweetheart. We'll get you back to the motel and you'll be kicking my ass in no time."

Grimacing I moved my head to look at him. "I can...can kick your ass right now..."

He chuckled as he gingerly picked me up. "We'll see. Let's just get you stitched up first, ok sweetheart?"

My head lolled back a little. "Sure...only 'cos I love ya..."

He kissed my forehead before climbing into the back of the Impala, holding me close and keeping pressure on my wound. I groaned, the pain too much and just before I blacked out, I heard him whisper, "I love you too, Ada. Nobody but you."


	6. Chapter 6

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **A/N -** any feedback would be much appreciated.

 **Chapter six**

Groaning, I tried to turn onto my side, hissing as pain ripped through me. "Fuck! What the hell happened?" I croaked, trying to sit up but ultimately falling and lying back down.

Dean rushed over to me and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Hey sweetheart, how you feeling?"

"Well, my eyebrows don't hurt," I joked, groaning as he helped me sit up, slipping a pillow behind my back. I sat up straighter, grimacing but ignoring the pain. "Is Stacey ok?" I asked, genuinely concerned for her.

He took hold of my hand, running his thumb across my knuckles. My stomach flipped at his touch, a current running between us, my eyes shooting up to him and from his reaction, I knew he felt it too.

"So,er...what...what happened?" I asked, not wanting to think about how his touch was making me feel, still very aware he was holding my hand.

"Stacey's fine. Damn vamp managed to stab you as you pushed her away. Nothing too serious, thank god. We stopped the bleeding and stitched you up. You'll be fine, just sore and out of duty till you heal."

Fuck. I hated being benched. "Marvelous."

He looked a little upset, stressed out so I brought my hand up and cupped his face, the feel of his skin against mine making me tingle. "Hey look, I'm still here, aren't I? Lying on the most uncomfortable bed in this shitty motel room with my best friend beside me." I looked around the room, noticing our bags were gone and Sam nowhere to be seen. He couldn't even be here to see if I was ok. My heart dropped at the realisation that I really didn't seem to matter to him at all. "I take it Sam is with..."

Dean sighed and nodded. "They were here. Stayed to make sure you were ok before they went back to her room."

Of course they did. What's one more fuck when your friend is injured in the other room? Sighing, I made a move to get up. I wanted out of this god damn town. "Can we go? I don't want to stay here any longer than I have too."

He helped me up and I couldn't help but groan. He gingerly wrapped his arm around my waist, being careful not to hurt me, supporting me as we made our way to the door.

Sam was already outside, leaning against Stacey's car as they smiled and made googly eyes at each other. I had to turn away, the sight of them making my heart ache in my chest. no! I chastised myself, I'm not going to let myself get upset, so stow your crap girl and carry on with your head held high.

Easier said than done.

As soon as they saw me, they walked over. I didn't want to see either of them right now but I plastered on an award winning smile.

"Thank you Ada," Stacey said, reaching over to touch my arm. "If you hadn't of pushed me out of the way..."

"Yeah well...I'm glad you're ok."

She looked over at Sam, then back at me nodding. "Anyway, thanks. I'll let you get going. I hope we get the chance to work together again soon."

I smiled as I watched her walk back to her truck, Sam following like a little puppy dog and I frowned. "Not fucking likely." I muttered quietly to myself.

Dean chuckled as he helped me into the back seat of the Impala. He tried to make sure I was semi-comfortable as best he could in the back seat and covered me with a blanket. "I'm not a fucking invalid Dean. I only got stabbed." I snapped, annoyed at myself for letting the two lovebirds upset me, and the way my body was reacting to my best friend.

He looked at me in surprise before raising his hands and backing up, slamming the door. Fuck my life. When did things get so god damn complicated?

Resting my head on the back of the seat, I let out a long sigh. I just wanted today to be over. To be curled up in my bed at the bunker, laughing and joking with my boys. I caught sight of Sam in the rear-view mirror. Cupping Stacey's face and leaning down to kiss her goodbye.

The slam of the driver's door made me jump and look away. Dean's mouth was set in a tight line and his jaw was tense. I looked at the back of his head and let out another sigh. "I'm sorry Dean. I shouldn't have snapped at you when all you are doing is helping me."

He nodded, his body still tense. "Let's just get home." He pressed on the horn, "Come on Sammy!"

Sam threw him a dirty look before kissing Stacey again. I couldn't help but watch, couldn't help but think why that wasn't me. Why he couldn't see me in the same way he saw her.

He jogged over to the car and climbed in, looking over his shoulder at me. "Ada, about yesterday..."

I held up my hand and shook my head. "Just...just forget about it. I'm tired and sore and all I want right now is to get out of this shitty town and climb into bed, ok?"

He frowned, stared at me for a best before nodding and turning back around. I sighed again and rested my head against the window. This was going to be a long drive.

I must have fell asleep because before I knew it, Dean was sat next to me in the Impala waking me up. "Hey sweetheart. We're back at the bunker," he murmured, holding my hand.

My eyes fluttered open and I sat up only to wince at the pain in my side and leaned against him. "I'm sorry."

"What for?" he asked, helping me out of the car slowly.

"For being horrible to you. I didn't mean to be, just with this," I pointed to my stab wound, "and Joanie and Chatchi, I got pissed off with myself."

Smiling down at me, we walked out of the garage towards my room. "Don't sweat it kid, I get it, I do."

I felt drained, my body aching not just from the stab wound but everywhere. All I wanted was a hot shower and to climb into bed.

Dean dropped my bag onto my bed then leaned against the door frame and watched as I unpacked, throwing my clothes onto the ever growing pile of dirty laundry in the corner of my room. "You want a picture?" I asked him, arching my brow and giving him a half smile. "Autographs cost extra."

He smirked and walked into my room and sat on my bed. "Need any help?"

I needed to get out of these bloody and dirty clothes but every time I moved my arm, sharp pain lanced through me. He stood when I nodded, a little embarrassed that he was going to see me in my underwear. I didn't know why, he'd seen my body plenty of times before, every time he had to stitch me up. And considering the job we do, he'd seen every inch of me. But this time it felt different. It was making me question everything I felt for him and what I felt for Sam.

He slid my flannel shirt down my arms, leaving me in just my tank top then began to unbutton my jeans before pulling them down my legs. I stepped out of them, using his shoulder for support before he stood up.

"This top is ruined, so I'm just going to rip it off you so you don't have to raise your arms, ok?" he murmured, as he grabbed both sides and ripped it apart, his fingers grazing over my stomach.

I inhaled sharply and looked directly at him. His lips were parted and I could feel his hot breath fanning over my face. The tension in the air around us was palpable, my mind racing, in chaos at what was happening or about to happen. I glanced down at his lips, my tongue flicking out to moisten my lips unconsciously before I pulled my bottom lip into my mouth and looked back up at him. His green eyes were practically black and in that moment, all I could think about was how I wanted him to kiss me. I closed my eyes and began to lean forward, my lips parting only to feel him pull away from me.

My eyes shot open and I watched him take another step back, his hand reaching up to rub the nape of his neck. My ripped top was gripped tightly in his hand, his gaze everywhere but on me. "Dean..."

He dropped my top to the floor and walked quickly to the door. "Be careful in the shower Ada. I need to...need to...go." He closed the door behind him and I listened to his footsteps walking quickly down the corridor, the sound echoing throughout the bunker.

I couldn't move. My mind was chaotic, confusion clouding my thoughts as I tried to process what had just happened. I loved Sam. I was in love with Sam. Wasn't I? Yes. Yes, I did love Sam. Shaking my head, I grabbed a towel and headed for the shower. Dean was my best friend, nothing more. I'm just tired, that's it. Emotional and tired. Maybe it was just because he thought he was going to lose me, I thought, my mind scrambling to make an excuse to explain the situation away. That's it. He thought he was going to lose his best friend.

My mind seemed to calm and I sighed in relief, washing the grime, blood and dirt from my body, being careful not to wet the bandage stuck to my side.

Just friends, I reiterated in my head. Just friends.


	7. Chapter 7

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **A/N - Any feedback would be much appreciated!**

 **Chapter seven**

"It's just a hunt, Ada," Dean reassured me, looking up from the lore book he was pretending to read. I'm pretty sure he had a Busty Asian Beauty's skin mag hidden in there.

"Yeah, the fourth hunt he's been on with her in the last two weeks."

I hated being benched, it made me feel more useless than I already was. I'd much rather be killing things, taking out my frustration on a demon sounded great to me right now. Looking down at my hands I didn't realise I'd been picking at my cuticles and nails, small spots of blood smearing over my fingers as I wiped them on my shirt. "Dean, the way he comes back after being with her...he's the happiest I've seen him in a long time. You can't say you haven't noticed it too."

He pulled me towards him, wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug. "I know. But sweetheart, you haven't told him how you feel. What are you expecting him to do?"

I shrugged, my eyes filling with tears. "I don't know. Declare his undying love for me?" Pulling away, I stood up. As much as I loved his hugs, I needed to sort through my thoughts. I loved Sam, I did, but being this close to Dean, my body was reacting to him in a whole different way, in a way I'd never expected. This is how I had expected to react around Sam and it was confusing the hell outta me. Falling in love wasn't intended to be so painful. "You and I both know that will never happen. It's not that I don't want to tell him, I do. I want nothing more than to feel his arms wrapped around me, telling me he loves me. He's falling in love with her, so I can't tell him. Because I will lose a friend, I just can't take the rejection."

I walked through the library and stopped at the door. "I just...I don't know. I need to get it into my head that he will never see me as anything other than a friend."

"Ada,"

I turned slowly, gasping when I saw Sam in the doorway of my room wearing nothing but a pair of jeans hung low on his hips. He moved towards me slowly, like a lion stalking it's prey, and I couldn't help but back up the closer he got, staring at his body, my eyes taking in his rippling muscles, the way they moved as he stalked towards me and I swear I dribbled when my eyes landed on his happy trial, leading me down to his 'V'.

Good god, this man is sinful.

I let out a little squeak when my back hit a wall, Sam right in front of me. His stare was intense as he pressed himself into me, my heart pounding and my breath shallow as I looked back at him. Arousal pooled to my core with every second of silence, the intensity of his stare making my entire body tingle.

"I know you want me," he murmured against my lips, "I want you too."

My eyes widened and my lips parted. "You do?"

The corner of his mouth lifted into a half smile. "Let me show you how much."

Before I could say anything else, he pressed his lips against mine, softly at first then more needy, urgent even, his hands rising to cup my face. He ground his erection into me and I moaned loudly into his mouth, my head dropping back slightly as he pulled away. I opened my eyes slowly, only to see Dean standing in front of me, _his_ hands cupping my face and _his_ body pressed against mine, _his_ erection grinding into me.

"Dean?" I said, my brows rising in surprise and confusion.

"Sweetheart," he bent down to kiss me, his lips softly pressing against my lips...

I shot upright in bed, my heart pounding and a throbbing ache between my thighs. "What the fuck..." I breathed, throwing the covers off my sweaty body and propping myself up on my elbows. What the hell was Dean doing in my dream? I mean, the way we were at the moment, the near kiss we had when he helped me undress and the way my body had responded to his touch...the electricity between us lately; I couldn't deny I had feelings for my best friend. But it was the same type of feelings everyone had for their best friends, right? Having a sex dream about him was just natural considering how close we are.

I lay back down, all too aware of the ache pulsating between my thighs and I let my legs drop open, closing my eyes as I let my hands slowly slide down over my body, Moaning quietly, I squeezed my breasts pinching my nipples between my fingers and pulling on them gently; imagining they were Sam's long, dextrous fingers instead of my own. I grazed over my curves leaving goosebumps on my way down to my throbbing wet pussy, my fingers pushing past my panties to rub my swollen clit.

My breath caught in my throat and my back arched as I rubbed my clit in small circles, dipping my fingers into my soaked pussy before sliding through my folds back to my clit. I reached up and grabbed my headboard as I started to rub a little quicker, images of Sam teasing me running through my mind as my orgasm built. I ground down on my fingers, arching my back and moaning softly and biting my bottom lip as I tried to keep quiet.

The images of Sam kept morphing into Dean and I shook my head, huffing in annoyance as I kept circling my clit, chasing my orgasm. It was building... _Sam was hovering over me, sliding his hard dick inside my wet pussy_...and building... _my eyes rolled to the back of my head as his cock dragged over every sensitive spot_...nearly there, oh my god, yes... _looking up into a pair of brilliant green eyes, "Ada..."_

My orgasm hit me hard, "Dean..." I moaned, my back arching off the bed and my toes curling, my body trembling as white hot pleasure flowed through me.

I stared at the ceiling, a thing sheen of sweat covering my body, my heart beating wildly in my chest as I tried to comprehend just what had happened, but my mind was literally like a pair of tangled headphones and I was just too tired and reluctant to attempt to untangle the mess.

Tomorrow, I thought to myself yawning, snuggling down into my blanket. I'd think about it tomorrow.


	8. Chapter 8

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **Chapter Eight**

Propping my head up on my elbows, I watched Sam type away on his laptop, no doubt looking for our next hunt. Didn't deter my imagination on what those long, slender fingers could do to me.

Ever since we met, I had found him quite intriguing, and not just because of his looks. He had took me right away, accepted me into their family a lot quicker than Dean had. Compassion and kindness radiated from him and I could always count on him to give me rational advice and have my back when I needed it.

For all his intelligence though, he was pretty clueless to the little things that happened around him Don't get me wrong, during a hunt he notices everything; the tiniest little detail and the slightest change in the air. But his personal life, nope, not a clue. Case in point; me. But even before my feelings for had developed to what they were now, myself and Dean were always teasing him about his many missed opportunities with women flirting and trying to catch his attention. Although he'd sure managed to notice Stacey quick enough.

My eyes wandered over to Dean, his legs resting on the table, ankles crossed as he leaned back in his chair, occasionally shoving handfuls of gummy bears in the mouth.

There had always been something about Dean. Everyone always thought Sam was the smart one, the brains of the operation, or as Dean so eloquently put it, 'a walking encyclopedia of weirdness'. But he was just as smart, just as kind, just as compassionate. He thinks of himself as just a grunt, nothing more. That in the grans scheme of things, he didn't matter. He is far from it. Beneath that gruff and grumpy exterior is a loving, protective and loyal teddy bear. Just don't tell him I said that. We just click. There aren't many people that you just 'click' with, and then you don't just let them go.

I smiled as I watched him, he was such a doofus. He caught me looking at him and he gave me a big gummy grin and winking at me.

Giggling, I shook my head. "That's disgusting. You're lucky you're cute." And blew him a kiss.

He raised his hand, pretending to catch it and dramatically placed his hand over his heart. I snorted at his ridiculessness/playfulness, making Sam look up from his laptop with a smile.

"Isn't it about time you two got a room?" he joked, still smiling at us.

I glanced between them both and let out a chuckle, turning away slightly so they couldn't see me blush.

Dean guffawed. "Nah, she's not my type. I like 'em rough and rowdy."

My smile faltered at his words and I frowned. I felt disappointed and kind of hurt that he would dismiss being with so easily. Was I really that insignificant to them both? So unlovable?

My chair scraped back as I stood up, both boys looking over at me in surprise. "I need...I need to...to go," I muttered before walking out of the library, heading straight for my room and closing the door, flipping the lock before sitting on the edge of my bed and looking down at my hands. Why was I so upset about what he said? Knowing just how unlovable I was to both of them made my eyes fill with tears and I covered my face with my hands, choking back my sobs. My chest felt heavy from the ache in my chest and I lay back onto my bed, bringing up my knees and hugging them to my chest.

Turns out the tangled mess of thoughts and emotions I'd ignore and pushed away, had now forced it's way back to the forefront of my mind, even more tangled than before.

When did my life become this one big 'I don't know?'

Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to get up. I needed a drink t forget this whole mess. I unlocked my door and walked quietly towards the kitchen, noticing the library was empty as I passed. They both must have went to their rooms, I thought, walking into the kitchen and reaching up to pull out the good bottle of whiskey Dean had thought he had hidden on top of the cupboard. Unscrewing the cap, I grabbed a glass and sat down.

It didn't take me long to finish the bottle, drinking shot after shot of straight whiskey. I had quite the buzz going and I knew I was going to regret this tomorrow but right now I didn't care.

Dean walked into the room, stopping short when he saw the empty bottle on the table next to a shot glass. He looked down at me, my head slumped onto my chest and my arms hanging by my sides. I was extremely drunk. Months of sitting in various bars with Dean and I still didn't seem to realise just how much of a fucking lightweight I was. I tried to focus on him, my vision blurred as I blinked slowly and squinted my eyes. "Dean! Have a drink!" I clumsily pushed my glass across the table towards him, whiskey sloshing over onto the table.

He sighed, bringing his hand up to rub the back of his neck. "Have you been drinking since you left the library?"

I knocked back another shot, hiccuping at the burn in my throat as it went down before he walked over to me and squatted. "Come on, Lyndsey Lohan. Let's get you to bed."

I grabbed his hand and squeezed. "I'll take you to bed anytime handsome." I giggled, trying and failing to sound flirtatious.

He smiled and wrapped his arm around my waist to help me stand up. "Oh sweetheart, you couldn't handle me."

I leaned into him. "I bet you could Mr Winchester."

His grip tightened a little and he gazed down at me, holding me up as we started the walk to my room. I glanced up at him, clinging onto his shirt as I stumbled over my feet. "I love you Dean."

"I know."

I shook my head, making myself dizzy. "No, no, I mean I really love you. Really, really," - hiccup - "really, really. You're the bestest ever bestest best friend ever."

"Come on. Let's get you into bed." He said pulling me along with him.

"I want to kiss your stupid, perfect face." I slurred, trying to get him to stop walking.

He just chuckled at my drunken state, letting me pull him towards me. Wobbling on my tip toes, I leaned forward and kissed him full on the lips, lingering a little more than I should have. His eyes widened in surprise before he kissed me back.

Pulling away, I closed my eyes and smiled. "Just how I imagined. You have the softest lips," I raised my hands to cup his face. "You are so beautiful, I want to kiss you all the time," I went to kiss him again but he pulled away. I pouted and squinted my eyes to look up at him. "But...kisses..."

He let out a long sigh, staring at me with a sad smile. "You're drunk Ada. You're not going to remember this tomorrow. If you want to kiss me, then kiss me when you're sober because I can't...I can't..." he stuttered quietly. "You're breaking my heart kid. I can't kiss you if..." he stopped short, opening my bedroom door and slowly sat me down on my bed, kneeling down to pull off my boots and helping me get into bed. He pulled my blanket over me and turned to leave but I grabbed his wrist.

"Dean...please stay..."

He looked at me with pained eyes before nodding and climbing in beside next to me. I lay my head on his chest and started to cry. "Am I unlovable Dean?"

"What? No, of course not."

"But Sam doesn't love me and you don't love me. Why doesn't anyone love me? Why can't I get you out of my head? Why does he lover her more than me? Why can't you love me like I love you?"

His body tensed underneath me, only relaxing when I started to drift off to sleep. "Ada," he whispered.

"Mmmhmmm,"

"I...I love you."

I squeezed him tight, smiling into his chest as I snuggled closer. "Thank you Dean."


	9. Chapter 9

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **Chapter nine**

I woke to the sound of loud voices echoing through the bunker's corridors. Groaning I sat up, my head feeling like it was going to implode in on itself and I lay back down again covering my eyes with my forearm. Fuck, I thought, a wave of nausea passing through me as I remembered drinking an entire bottle of whiskey. That was all I seemed to remember for now which was just as well because I guarantee I did or said something stupid. Whiskey was not my friend.

I needed water. And painkillers. A lot of painkillers. Sitting up again I swung my legs out from under the covers, shuffling slowly out of bed, noticing just what I needed on my bedside table.

Dean.

Smiling, I grabbed the tablets, swallowing them with the glass of water he left me. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, wincing as their voices seemed to get louder. "What the hell are they arguing about now," I muttered to myself, pissed that they had woke me up, stopping short just before the doorway of the library when I heard what they were talking about.

"She loves you, you dumbass, Has for months now and you can't see it?" Dean said, exasperation clear in his voice.

"See what Dean?" Sam said, "I don't see anything other than a normal friendship."

"Then you're fucking blind. I have to watch her pine for you, watch while she loves you so much, she'd do anything for you. And I can't do it anymore, I just can't...I can't..."

I took a small step forward as quietly as I could, pressing myself into the wall.

"She's my friend Dean. I love her like a sister, nothing more."

Silence.

My hand flew up to cover my mouth, and I choked back a sob that threatened to escape, blinking back the tears filling my eyes. Now I knew for certain Sam didn't love me. Seeing me as nothing more than a friend. But then, I always knew deep down, I just refused to acknowledge it. It didn't stop my heart from aching though and I looked down at the floor, keeping my hand over my mouth.

The silence lingered on and I could hear the buzzing of the lights overhead, the ticking of the clock hanging on the wall as I waited for one of them to speak. My heart was pounding and I was desperately trying not to cry, what I just heard being too much for me to process. Why wasn't I good enough for him? Why didn't he love me? Was there something wrong with me? Maybe I was just too ugly, or not intelligent enough for him, I was nothing to him.

"You need to tell her. You need to tell her how you feel, you need to make this right." Dean said quietly.

A hollow sounding noise echoed through the library, like someone had just thrown a book onto the table, making me jump.

"And how do you propose I do that? Just come right out and say it? Oh, hi Ada, just wanted to tell you that I only love you as a friend. I don't want to hurt her."

"You already are. And I can't carry on watching it destroy her."

More silence.

Knowing the truth, as much as I was upset and questioning why he didn't love me, I wasn't reacting the way I thought I should be. I should be devastated, running to my room to cry in my pillow, a black cloud of depression and sadness settling over me. Did that mean I didn't truly love Sam? Did I ever love him?

"You're in love with her."

I peered through the doorway, just about seeing Dean's face scrunch up in confusion. "What? No, she's my friend."

Sam tilted his head, staring at Dean. "Yeah, you do. She might thinks she's in love with me but it's you. And I think it's always been you." Sam said. "Dean, the way she lights up when you walk into a room, she's never been like that with me. She will always gravitate towards her. The way you two react when you're together, the flirting and the joking around...when it's just us, we joke and mess around but never to the extent she does with you Dean. That's probably why I didn't notice anything. Because it was always you."

Dean stood up, his chair scraping loudly against the floor. "Maybe I do love her, but nothing will ever come of it. I even told her last night, but she was so drunk she probably doesn't remember it Sammy. Despite what you said, she loves you, not me. And so, i'm in the same boat as she is. Loving someone I can't have. Ain't life peachy. It's for the best anyway, I won't put her in danger by being with me. She deserves better than that."

Hearing his heavy footsteps walking towards me, I sprinted down the corridor back to my room, gently closing the door before I leaned my head back against it and slid down to the floor, letting my head drop into my hands. I was breathing heavily and fighting the urge to vomit. My mind was reeling with what I'd just heard. The man I loved for the past few months only saw me as a friend. Or thought I loved? I was confused, trying to sort through what I was feeling or not feeling. Was I pushing aside what I had just heard so that it didn't hurt me any more than I already was?

And then I thought of Dean.

My Dean. My best friend. He had told Sam he loved me, and not just as a friend.

What am I supposed to do?

I thought back to all the times I'd been alone with Sam after my crush on him started and developed into love, and he was kind of right. I'd look at him a little longer than usual, but we'd act like normal friends act; making jokes, laughing, talking about hunts or whatever was in the news, plus the usual research for hunting down monsters. At first, I'd dream and fantasize about him, boy did I fantasize, but it had tapered off and now, most of my dreams involved Dean in one way or another.

But then I'd never had a friendship like the one I had with Dean, with anyone in my life.

Flashes of last night played in my mind; Dean helping me to my room, my atrocious attempt at flirting with him, asking him to stay with me for the night. And I kissed him. I had kissed my best friend.

I knew I needed to talk to them both, to listen to what Sam had to say to me and to, at least, try and figure out my feelings towards him. I had a lot of thinking to do, and there was no way I could do it with a hangover, so I climbed back into bed, drifting off into a fitful sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **Chapter ten**

Dean was avoiding me.

I'd tried to talk to him, but he'd just give me one word answers while barely looking at me before walking away. It had been two days since my drunken ass kissed him and overhearing both boys talking about me. And now, he'd left to go on a hunt.

Solo.

I was hurt and upset he'd left without saying anything to me, not even saying goodbye. I honestly didn't know what I did to make him leave, for him to avoid me. I had tried to talk to him about our near kiss too but he kept making any kind of excuse to get away from me.

This was the first hunt he decided to do solo for more than ten months. It made me wonder if he'd changed his mind, deciding that he felt nothing for me, not even as a friend. But I had to remember that he didn't know I'd heard everything he said to Sam. I knew I was over-reacting but I couldn't help it. My thoughts were swirling around in my head and it was making me feel dizzy. It crushed me not knowing what he was doing or thinking. What if he didn't come back? What if whatever he was hunting killed him and we had to bring back his body? What if he just decided I wasn't good enough. For either of them.

Now that it was me and Sam in the bunker, things were a little awkward. He wasn't avoiding me like Dean was, but I could tell he was uncomfortable. He spent most of the morning on the phone to Stacey, arranging to see each other again from the sounds of it.

I pulled out my own cell and called Dean, hoping he'd pick up this time. Straight to voicemail, just like the last four times I'd rang him. I was now officially worried. I waited until Sam finished his call before speaking. "Sam, have you heard from Dean?"

He looked up at me. "Yeah, he called me a couple hours ago, why?"

I blinked away the tears filling my eyes. He just didn't want to talk to me. I wasn't good enough. "I...he won't answer my calls."

Sam sighed and frowned at me. "Ada...we...we need to talk."

This was it. The 'talk' to let me down gently. I walked over to the table and sat down opposite him. "I heard the conversation you had with Dean the other day. That's what you want to talk to me about, right?"

He scratched the back of his neck, not really knowing what to say to me. "So you..."

"He told you I was in love with you." I stated, getting straight to the point.

His eyes widened at my bluntness. "Yeah..."

"For months now, I've been in love with you, my thoughts solely about you. Of us having the perfect relationship. And I know you do love me, but not in the same way I love you and I'm going to have to get used to that." I said. "I see you with Stacey and I've never seen you so happy. It makes me happy that you're happy, even though it's not with me." I smiled at him sadly. "They say we always want what we can't have. So, I sometimes wonder if I can have you, would I still want you? Would my feelings still be as they are now? I'll never know the answer, so..." I tapered off, looking down at my hands in my lap.

"You love Dean," he said, looking right at me. "I swear, you two are just..."

My head shot up. "What? I know what he said...but I...he's my best friend...I don't know..."

"I can prove it to you." Sam said very matter of factly.

I stared at him in disbelief. "How are you going to do that?"

He sttod up, motioning for me to do the same before steeping forward and cupping my face in his hands, looking down at me before pressing his lips against mine.

And I felt...nothing.

I was expecting fireworks, butterflies, that euphoric feeling that sweeps through you making your entire body feel its on fire and for your heart to be pounding against your chest. To make your leg pop like they do in the movies.

But it felt wrong. Couldn't deny he was a great kisser though.

I pulled away, pushing against his chest and he stepped back, lowering his arms to his sides. "What did you feel?" he asked, looking like he already knew what my answer would be.

I looked down at the floor frowning before looking back up. "I felt...nothing. Like, I was kissing my brother, it felt wrong." I admitted, still feeling so confused.

Sam smiled and nodded in agreement. "Because you don't love me Ada. You love Dean. All these feelings you have, the love you felt for me...who were you with each and every time? Whenever it was just us, did you feel as strongly for me compared to when Dean was in the room with us?"

"I...I...I don't know. I thought it was because of you, all the butterflies, all the thoughts I had about us...it was always when Dean was in the room with us." It was like a light bulb went off in my head. "That day in the diner when he touched me..." I whispered to myself. "When we almost kissed in my room...I mean I still had feelings for you when we were alone but I never really focused on them because we always acted more like friends..." my eyes widened and I looked at Sam. "Dean. It's always been Dean..."

Sam pulled me into a hug. "He loves you too. I see it every time you are together. You gravitate towards each other like magnets. And the way you smile at each other, it's like no one else is in the room with you both. I know my brother, Ada, and I've never seen him light up the way he does when you're in the room."

"But he's been avoiding me and now he's on a hunt...ignoring my calls..." I frowned. "Maybe he's changed his mind..."

"Just...just give him time. Let him finish this hunt. Remember, he still thinks you're in love with me. That way, you can both think about things, about where it all goes from here. You know, in the end it all comes down to the person you think of at night. That's where your heart is."

I nodded my head knowing he was right but still feeling a little hurt that he didn't just talk to me. That he decided ignoring me was better then disappearing on a hunt. Was he avoiding me because of the drunken kiss, or because he admitted to Sam he loved me. It was, or had been, the same for him as it was for me except he had to listen to me whining. Listen to me cry on his shoulder because his brother didn't feel the same way, hedidn't love me. Guilt flooded through me and I sighed. No wonder he was avoiding me. I'd broke his heart without even realising it. I was a horrible person.

"Why don't you give Stacey a call," I said, changing the subject. "Invite her to the bunker. I think I should apologise to her for being a bit of a bitch."

Sam laughed. "Yeah, you were. I'll give her a call."

I smiled sheepishly, standing on my tip toes and kissing his forehead. "Thank you Sammy."

I was in my room reading when I heard the bunker's door open. Dean was back.

Throwing my book onto my bed, I raced to the war room and straight to Dean, throwing my arms around him in a tight hug. "I missed you."

He just stood there, his face stoic, not reciprocating my hug at all. I took a step back and looked at him in confusion. "Dean?"

He looked down at me, his face emotionless, his jaw tight and his eyes dark and cold. "We need to talk."

"Ok..." I tilted my head and frowned. "What do you want to talk about?" I asked apprehensively, not liking the tense atmosphere around us.

"You need to leave."


	11. Chapter 11

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **Chapter Eleven**

I froze. "What?"

"You need to leave." He repeated, looking me dead in the eyes.

I stared at him and tilted my head frowning. He was joking right? "Haha, very funny Dean."

He continued to look me in the eyes, his stare as cold as ice and his stance stiff. "I'm not joking Ada. I want you to leave."

"Is this why you've been avoiding my calls?" I asked, trying hard not to burst into tears at his coldness.

"I wasn't avoiding your calls. I just didn't want to talk to you."

My brows shot up and I took a small step back. "Oh. Ok..."

He slung his bag over his shoulder and went to walk past me. "You have an hour to pack up your shit and leave?"

"Excuse me?" I blocked his path. "You're actually serious about this? You want to throw me, your supposed best friend, out of the only home I've known for two years?"

"This was never your home. And I was never your friend." He said flatly.

That one stung, hard. "So, everything we've been through together meant nothing to you? All the times I confided in you about my life before hunting, my family, Sam, it all meant nothing? You're a god damn liar, Dean Winchester." I said angrily. "Why did you let me stay here? Why let me think you cared for me?"

His stare was emotionless. "I felt sorry for you. And now I'm sick of your whining. You've overstayed your welcome."

I wanted to punch him, I wanted to kick his ass all over the bunker, I was so angry. "Is this some kind of stupid macho thing where you think you're protecting me? Because I don't need protection Dean! I'm just as good a hunter as you! How many times have I saved your ass? How many times have I stitched you up? You better be damn sure this is what you want Winchester, because if I leave, you will never see me again."

He looked pained for a minute, glancing down at his feet, like there was a fight going on inside him and I thought for a second he was going to change his mind and make everything better again. But I was wrong. He looked up, his face quickly going back to being emotionless and cold.

"Leave."

I turned to go to my room to get my things, blinking back the tears filling my eyes. "Well, then I guess there's nothing else left to say." I left him standing there as I rushed to my room, shoving my clothes angrily into my bag. Dumping every single badge I used when hunting with them on the bed, and I threw my phone on top of the pile too before reaching for a pen and pad and writing out a quick note for Sam. I was going to miss the giant.

Taking one last look at my room, I walked to the bunker door, Dean having disappeared to his room. Fuck him, I thought as I fought the urge to break down. It was all a game to him. The last two years meant nothing to him at all. My life was just something for him to play with when he was bored. I made a vow to myself then to never let anybody get as close to me as Dean Winchester had, to never let my guard down enough for someone to climb over the wall surrounding my now shattered heart.

 **Sam Pov**

I closed the bunker door behind me, walking down the stairs, surprised at how quiet the bunker was considering Dean was back. "Ada! Dean!"

Neither answered and I wondered if maybe they had went out somewhere. Wandering through the corridor towards my room, I noticed Ada's door open and her room a mess. She was usually so tidy, I thought stepping into the chaos. My eyes immediately landed on the pile of badges on her bed, her cell phone placed on top of them along with a note.

 _Sam,_

 _By the time you read this I'll be long gone. Please don't look for me, your brother made it quite clear that I'm not wanted,_

 _I'm glad we had had the time to talk and set things straight. I'd have loved to get to know Stacey better and to see you truly happy. She's a very lucky lady to have you in her life._

 _Knowing you has been a pleasure and I will miss you dearly._

 _Love, Ada._

I flew out of her room, walking quickly to his room, slamming my fists on the door, not bothering to wait for an answer before I swung it open. He was lying on his bed with his headphones on and his eyes closed. I threw Ada's phone at him, watching as it landed on his stomach and he opened his eyes.

"What did you do?" I demanded angrily.

He removed his headphones before picking up the cell and throwing it into the trash. "What I had too."

I threw the note at him. "She was waiting for you. She was waiting to tell you she loved you. So, I'll ask again. What did you do?"

Dean opened the note, reading it quickly and closed his eyes for a second before taking a deep breath and throwing the note in the trash too. "Do I need to spell it out for you? What. I. Had. Too." He enunciated each word. "I did the right thing."

I let out an exasperated sigh. "The right thing, huh? She heard us talking Dean. She heard every single word, including you admitting to me that you loved her. So, no, you didn't do the right thing." I shook my head. "She loved you, Dean, she always did. And you've just thrown her out like trash with no explanation as to why? Too far Dean, you took it too far."

His expression never changed. "It doesn't matter what she heard because I know she didn't love me! She loved you! How could she have gone from loving you to instantly loving me? Because it was you! And she didn't say anything to me, so she's better off without us. She will only get hurt."

"You didn't give her the chance to tell you! And she's been with us for two god damn years Dean! Only now you've decided that she's better off without us? Everything you told me was a lie? The way you've acted around her for the past two years, two years Dean, your friendship, that was a lie too? You just can't handle the fact that she loves you and you're scared because you love her too. So your decision? Bullshit. And now, you've probably lost her forever." I said sadly.

"Can't you see? I'm poison! Sam, people get close to me, they get killed. Or worse. So, she's better off getting as far away from me as possible. I don't want her to get hurt."

"She's already hurt because of you. I hope you're happy Dean, because you've just lost the best thing that ever happened to you."


	12. Chapter 12

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **A/N -** Feedback is gold and keeps me writing.

 **Chapter Twelve**

 **8 months later**

I rested my head against the back of the motel room's sofa and sighed. I was getting tired of moving from one motel to another.

Since being kicked out of the bunker, I'd been bouncing from town to town hunting, trying to keep my mind off a certain hunter. And failing miserably.

For the first 3 months, I'd had to sleep in whatever car I'd managed to steal that day to keep the small amount of cash I made from conning drunk men, for food and essentials. It had been hard. It still was hard. Once I got back into the swing of things, swindling larger amounts of cash out of drunks became easier. It had been a real struggle going from living in the bunker and thinking of it as my home, to being homeless in the space of a day.

I tried to keep off the radar as much as possible, never staying in one place for too long, and using burner phones. Keeping myself to myself, I'd managed to avoid any other hunters since leaving, purely because I didn't want them to report back tot he Winchester's, especially Sam as I knew Dean wouldn't be looking for me seen as he was the one who wanted me to leave. Wistful thinking on my part to even think that he thought about me anymore.

It still hurt. A lot. And I still loved him, I think I always would. But what he said, what he did, I would never forget. Tears filled my eyes and I wiped them away angrily, refusing to let the memory of the man I loved distract me from doing my job.

This case was frustrating. I had two bodies, both vics having the worst luck of their life in the space of a week before being found dead. The first vic had been fired, he found out his wife was sleeping with his best friend and then his mother died. All this in a week, and to top it off, he then drove under the influence right into the back of a long, haul truck. And I mean drove it under the backside of the truck. There hadn't been much of a body to look at, he was pretty mangled. It wasn't a pleasant crime scene, I'll tell you that.

The second vic, his run of bad luck had started with his dog dying; hit by a car chasing the family cat, how ironic. His wife and kids left him, and he totaled his beloved sports car, before taking a shotgun blast in the face in a botched robbery attempt.

At first, I'd thought witches but after an extensive search of their homes, jobs and everywhere I could think of, I had found no hex bags or anything else out of the ordinary. There was nothing I could see that connected the vics to each other, apart from the fact they had money.

I groaned out loud and pressed my fingers to the sides of my head. This case was giving me a migraine.

My cell phone rang, and I picked it up off the table. "Agent Nicks,"

"Agent. We've got another one for you."

I sighed. "On my way."

It took me 15 minutes to drive to the crime scene, parking beside the crime scene van. Taking a deep breath, I climbed out of my car and straightened my skirt before flashing my badge and ducking under the crime scene tape. "What've we got now sheriff?"" I asked, walking over to him, noticing the body on the floor in front of us.

He flipped through his notes. "Mr Daniel Clarke, took a nose dive from the top floor landing. Feet apparently tangled in the cleaner's vacuum wire."

"Sam run of bad luck as the other two?" I asked as I walked slowly around the body, looking for anything out of the ordinary. Nothing I could see so far.

"I still don't understand why a couple of accidental deaths bring over the FBI to investigate." The sheriff shook his head. "But so far, all we know is that this house is in foreclosure and about to be auctioned. If we find anything else, I'll let you know."

"I only go where I'm told to go sheriff. Thanks..."

I froze at the sound of a car pulling up to the scene. The sound was familiar to me...my eyes widened and I inhaled sharply. No, no, no, it can't be.

The unmistakable sound of the Impala.

Baby.

Sam and Dean were here.

I quickly thanked the sheriff, asking him to send the files to my motel room and that my fellow agents were going to take over for the day. Keeping my head down, I walked away, hiding behind one of the patrol cars and praying they didn't see me. I watched as they walked past me towards the sheriff and I let out the breath I was holding, walking quickly to my car when I noticed Sam had stopped walking and was turning in my direction. Shit, shit, shit.

"Ada?"

Fuck. I ignored him and practically ran to my car, fumbling with my keys ad I tried to unlock the god damn door. Just as I was about to climb in and get the hell outta there, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Ada."

I turned slowly. "Please Sam. Let me go before he sees me." I begged, tears falling down my face, ruining my make up.

His hand squeezed my shoulder. "Can I see you later? Please, Ada?"

"Do not tell him I'm here Sam. I'm begging you. I'm staying at the local motel, room 214."

He nodded. "We're at the same motel. I won't say anything to Dean. I'll speak to you later, yeah?"

Of course they were at the same motel. I nodded and climbed into the car, speeding away from the crime scene and straight to the motel. Flinging the door open, I slid to the floor, the tears I'd kept back for 8 months finally falling. 8 long months of not letting myself break down, of not letting him break me. My body shook with the force of my sobs, and I hugged my knees to my chest as I rocked forward.

This can't be happening, I thought, they can't be here. I've always been careful not to choose the kind of cases they would normally take. I didn't think this one would even be on their radar.

Pulling myself off the ground, I walked to the bathroom and splashed my face with cold water. I looked in the mirror. My face was red and splotchy, my eyes bloodshot from crying. I looked a mess. Sighing, I walked back into the room and shrugged off the jacket, throwing it on the back of the sofa then sat on the end of the bed, resting my head in my hands. I couldn't stay here, not now. They were here for the case, so I'm not needed anymore. I'll talk to Sam later then leave. They can finish this case.

I knew I was being a coward, that I should face Dean and tell him exactly what he did to me. But what was the point? If he didn't care then, he sure as hell wasn't going to care now.

Maybe I should pack and leave now before Sam comes knocking. Then I won't have to pretend I'm fine and go back to staying in dingy motel after dingy motel, refusing to deal with my obvious heartache.

Maybe if I laid low for a while, camp out in the woods for a few months, live off the radar. I'd have to forgo daily showers and the use of a proper toilet, no human contact what so ever and no telling what kind of monsters could be sharing the woods with me...yep. I'd rather deal with monsters and sleep in a dirty, disgusting tent in the deep, dark woods, than have to admit that Dean Winchester had completely broke my soul.

I started to grab my things, stopping when I realised that if I was going to Bear Grylls it, then I couldn't bring of a lot of unnecessary stuff I had with me. I'd have no need for FBI suits, a laptop, a cell phone, lacy frilly pink knickers...

A sharp knock on the door made me jump and pulled me from my thoughts. My heart stared to pound in my chest when I realised it must be Sam. Deep breath in, exhale. Deep breath in, exhale. I walked to the door and peeked through they spy hole. Sam.

Do not cry, do not cry, do not cry, I thought to myself over and over as I opened the door. He looked exactly the same as when I left. Still too damn tall, his hair a little longer, his hazel eyes bright and his face soft with concern.

"Ada, I..."

That was it. That was all it took, for him to say my name. To hear his voice after 8 months of being alone, so lonely, so tired and broken that I immediately broke down. He pulled me into him, squeezing me tight like he needed to give me 8 months worth of hugs. And I needed them. Boy did I need them.

We stood there together, clinging onto each other as I sobbed into his shirt, his fingers running through my hair to try and soothe me. I didn't realise until this moment just how lonely I'd been, just how much I missed this giant moose of a man. I pulled back slightly and sniffed. "I've snotted all over your shirt," I said quietly, trying to wipe away my tears.

"It's ok. I didn't like this shirt anyway," he said smiling down at me, his eyes soft. We walked over to the sofa and sat down next to each other. He held my hands and looked at me. "I've missed you, Ada."

I looked down at our hands, thinking back to when I had wished for this moment, for him to hold me like this. How times change. I smiled softly at the memory. "I've missed you too."


	13. Chapter 13

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **A/N -** any feedback is much appreciated **.** It keeps me writing.

 **Chapter thirteen**

"How have you been?"

I shook my head. "I...I...I don't think... I can't do this Sam. Seeing you...it still hurts."

He nodded. "It's ok. Whenever you're ready, you know you can talk to me. How about we talk about the case."

Looking up at him, I smiled. "Thank you," Letting out a long sigh, I stood up and grabbed the folder off the table and passed it to Sam. "I've been here a few days now. First two vics had a major run of bad luck in the days leading up to their deaths; which were both classed as 'accidental'. First vic; Mr Harvey Park. Married with two children. Drove under the influence, under a truck. He was pretty mangled. And I mean mangled, like the top half of his body was a bloody pile of mush. Second vic; Mr Benjamin Carter, shot in the face with a shotgun in a botched robbery. Suspect claims the gun just 'went off'. Vic from today, well, all I got was that he took a nose dive after getting his feet tangled in his cleaner's vacuum wire."

Sam flicked through the file, nodding. "Yeah, pretty much what the sheriff told us. Did you find any hex bags at the other crime scenes?"

"Nope. I thought witches too, checked and double checked their homes, cars, work, everywhere I could think of but zilch. Plus, I couldn't find any connection between the vics other than they have money and are members of the local country club. First vic's wife I haven't been able to talk too as she was across the country, but she is back at her home today. Second vic's wife wasn't all that co-operative, didn't want to talk. My plan was to speak to the first wife then check out the other two." I shook my head and leaned back onto the sofa. "I'm stumped. Sheriff was going to look into whether or not the vic from today had the same run of bad luck as the others. He did know that his house was in foreclosure so I'm assuming he did."

Sam frowned. "Hmm," he passed me a couple of pictures of the vic's possessions they had with them when they died. "Notice anything similar in each photo?"

I squinted and scanned each photo. "The only thing I see is that they have the same book?"

"It's not much but it's something. It looks familiar to me, 'The Heart is a Rolling Stone.' I'm sure I've heard it before..." He looked at me. "Dean's going to want to know where I got this information from, Ada. I know you don't want to talk about it, and I hate that I'm suggesting this but..."

I knew what he was going to say. That we tell him I'm here, that we work the case together like old times. But I couldn't...

"Isn't Stacey with you?" I asked, changing the subject.

He pursed his lips, knowing exactly what I was doing. "She's on a hunt of her own. Salt and burn not too far away. She's going to join us if we're still here when she's finished."

"How is she? Is she living..."

"She's good. And yeah, she is." He put the file back on the table. "She's been helping me try and find you, in between giving Dean shit for what he did."

I was a little surprised at that seen as I wasn't exactly the nicest person towards her. "But I was a total bitch to her. Why would she help you look for me?"

Sam laughed softly. "Yeah, you were. But she knows how much I missed you, that despite what Dean may have said to you and the way he acts now, he's missing you too."

I turned away, blinking back fresh tears. "Sam, please."

He touched my arm. "I know he's hurt you. But he is miserable without you. He won't admit it, but I know my brother Ada. He knows he made a huge mistake letting you go."

"He didn't just hurt me Sam, he broke my heart. He broke _me._ For two years he used me, played some kind of sick game to keep himself entertained. I meant nothing to him, he said so himself."

"And you know deep down that that's not true. He was trying to protect you in his own stupid way."

"Protect me?" I shouted, "protect me from what, Sam? I asked him, I asked him if he was doing some stupid macho shit, I god damn asked him! And he just told me to leave. He never loved me Sam."

"You're wrong. I'm not saying that what he did was right, god no. What he did was unbelievably stupid. He knew it then and he knows it now."

"And yet he still went ahead, knowing exactly what he was doing. I had to sleep in stolen cars for 3 months because I couldn't even afford to stay in even the cheapest, roach infested motels. Gas station bathrooms were where I had to wash myself. All the while still hunting, trying to forget the last two years of my life. But I never could. I could never stop myself from loving him even after everything he said to me. So don't tell me he misses me." I stood up and walked to the door. "I think you need to leave. It was nice seeing you Sam but now I need to disappear again. Take the file. The case is yours."

He stood up but didn't move. "Ada, please...just..."

"No Sam. You didn't see his face. You didn't hear how cold he was towards me how emotionless he was. And how easy it was for him to throw me aside like I nothing. Because that's all I am to him...nothing."

Sam walked over to me and looked down. He was too frigging tall. "You're right, I didn't see or hear what happened between the two of you. But I can tell you what I've seen for the past 8 months. Regret, misery, sorrow. There's an emptiness inside him Ada, he thinks I can't see it, but I can. He tries to mask it with humour, anger, drinking. But I see him. I hear him calling out your name in his sleep."

"Then why did he do it?!" I yelled, my hands clenching into fists. "Why did he throw me away like I was a piece of trash!"

"Because he thinks he's poison," Sam said quietly. "He thinks he's not worth anything, that everything and everyone dies because of him. He didn't want you to get hurt because of him."

"Bullshit. I'm sorry Sam, but not wanting me to get hurt? So, all the times I was hurt hunting during those two years I was with you any different? How many times did he stitch me up? And then, all of a sudden, he doesn't want me to get hurt? No, I don't buy it." I opened the door. "I'm sorry Sam..."

I was not expecting to see him standing there, his hand raised, about to knock on my door. I was not expecting to hear my name fall from his lips as we stared at each other.

"Ada..."


	14. Chapter 14

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **A/N -** Any feedback is appreciated! Let me know what you think!

 **Chapter fourteen**

Sam quickly stepped in front of me, blocking Dean's view and turning slightly to make sure I was ok. I looked up into this hazel eyes, silently begging him to get Dean away from me.

He turned, his back facing me. "You need to go,"

"What? No, I..." Dean mumbled, trying to look past Sam, trying to see if it was really me.

I stumbled back until i hit the wall, my eyes wide and my heart beating wildly in my chest. He knew I was here, he must have been watching Sam, watched him come into my room. How dare he have the nerve to knock on my door after what he did, I thought, my hands clenching into fists by my side. I wasn't going to let this asshole carry on ruining my life. Taking a deep breath, I straightened up and placed my hand on Sam's arm. "It's ok, Sam."

I looked up into his bright green eyes, still as beautiful as I remembered. He looked good, a little tired, but good. It all came flooding back to me, how much fun we used to have. Watching crappy movies together, laughing and joking, flirting and teasing each other. It made me smile but also made my heart ache for something that was never there to begin with. He didn't think of the same memories with fondness like I did. He thought of them as nothing, a part of his game to fuck with my head.

"Hello Dean."

He looked shocked at the sight of me, his mouth dropping open and his eyes wide. "Ada...I..."

I smiled sweetly at him before drawing my fist back and punching him square in his pretty face, the sound of my fist connecting with his face incredibly satisfying.

His hands flew up to his face, pinching his bloody nose. I heard Sam snort before stepping back in front of me and grabbing Dean's arm. "I'll talk to you in the morning, ok?" he said as he dragged Dean away from my room. "Don't disappear on me, Ada."

I nodded and closed the door, slipping on the latch just in case Dean tried to come back. Not that he would, of course. But it made me feel a little better. I slumped on the sofa. Seeing him standing there, I knew for sure I still loved him. And I knew I had a decision to make. If I stay and work the case with them both or leave and let them handle the case by themselves.

My head told me to run. To run as far away as possible. He had hurt me beyond repair and seeing him only exacerbated my feelings. I didn't know if I could work the case with them when I still loved him. For him to see me weak and broken because of him, I didn't want to give him more reasons to mess with my head.

But my heart, my broken, poorly stitched together heart told me to stay. To work with the boys and finish the case.

I sighed, already knowing my answer. I needed to confront the pain of what he did head on otherwise it would haunt me forever.

Standing, I rummaged through my bag for my pyjamas, stripping out of my suit and throwing it over the back of the sofa. I'd have a shower in the morning, I thought climbing into bed and pulling the covers up. I was exhausted, the events of the day catching up to me. My eyes closing and I gave into sleep, trying not to think of what tomorrow would bring.

So much for a good nights sleep, I thought as I laid on my bed staring up at the chipped ceiling. I'd had maybe two to three hours, waking after having re-lived that day at the bunker in my nightmares. And I'd been unable to fall asleep again after that.

Picking up my phone from the bedside table, I checked the time; 5:18am. I sighed and sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. Suppose I better shower, I've got a long day ahead of me. I plodded over to the bathroom and turned on the shower before looking at myself in the mirror. I looked awful. My eyes were puffy from crying and lack of sleep, my skin pale and lacklustre. I could easily have passed as a zombie extra for The Walking Dead.

Stripping off my pyjamas, I stepped under the hot water, relishing the feel of the water beating down against my body before grabbing my shampoo and giving my hair a good wash. What was that song? 'I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair and send him on his way.'

Pity I couldn't do it in real life.

Walking back into the room wrapped in a towel, I pulled out a pair of jeans and a plain whit t-shirt. I knew at some point today I'd have to go see the sheriff but I'd be damned if I was going to be in that uncomfortable suit the whole day. I was still humming the song as I dried my hair, just about hearing the knock on the door. Walking over, I peeped a look and saw Sam in his running gear waiting patiently for me to open the door.

He flashed me his dimpled smile and went to hug me, frowning when I took a step back. "Ew, Sam. You're sweaty and smelly and I've just had a shower."

Looking slightly offended, he smelt his armpit, turning his head away in disgust at the smell. "Sorry,"

We sat down at the table and I picked up my brush. "So..."

"So..."

"How's his nose?" I asked grimacing. "I didn't break it, did I?"

Sam let out a laugh. "No, not broken. Although his ego took a hit."

I shook my head, smiling at him. "Damn, I have to remember to hit harder next time."

His smile dropped a little. He looked uncomfortable, not knowing how I would react to his next question.

I let out a long sigh. "I know what you're going to say Sam. Or ask even. I thought about it a lot last night."

He raised his eyebrows. "Have you decided? You know I'd love to work this case with you..."

"I know Sammy," I said quietly. "I...I...I'm not going to say it's not hard. But I've got to face this head on, I'm sick of feeling weak because of what he did. I'm not going to be a coward and run away this time, so I'll work the case with you both. But on one condition,"

"Ok..."

I looked at him. "We concentrate on the case, that's all. I don't want to talk about anything else."

He nodded. "I can work with that, and I'll make sure Dean keeps it strictly business."

Fiddling with my t-shirt, I looked down. "Did he...did he say anything to you?"

He was quiet for a minute. "Would you believe me if I told you?"

I shrugged. "Probably not. His words...what he said...I hear them every night Sam. And every night, my heart breaks a little bit more. Is it stupid that I still love him?"

Sam reached over and grabbed my hands. "Feelings are never stupid Ada. They just make us feel stupid sometimes."

Nodding, I looked up at him. "Well then, I feel really stupid." Sighing, I rubbed my temples. "Ok, lets get the ball rolling. I'll come to you in about 20 minutes? Gives you time to shower and me to psyche myself up to see Dean again."

"Are you sure about this Ada?" he asked, concerned about how this was going to play out. "No. But I've been here for a few days, I know more about the case than the two of you, plus it will save us some time. I need to suck it up and concentrate on the case."

He stood up and walked over to the door. "20 minutes?"

Smiling, I nodded. "20 minutes."


	15. Chapter 15

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **A/N -** The case I have my little chick-a-dees working on is an actual Japanese urban legend. I have played around with it so that it fits with my story. There is an actual disclaimer that comes with this legend - _**Do not read this out loud as bad luck and even death may come your way.**_ Heed thy warning! As always, feedback keeps me writing.

 **Chapter fifteen**

232.

Room 232.

I had been standing outside their room now for 10 minutes, unable to bring myself to knock on the door.

I was actually a little scared. Sure, seeing Dean for a minute and punching him in the face was incredibly satisfying, but now I would have to be in close proximity to him for a least a couple of days for the case. And actually talk to him.

"Suck it up Ada," I whispered to myself, "come on, you can do this. A couple of days then he'll be gone. Keep it together."

Taking a deep breath and giving myself an internal slap, I knocked on the door. I heard scuffling and raised voices before Sam opened the door with smile.

"Ada," he said, pulling me into a tight hug. Closing my eyes, I wrapped my arms around his waist and smiled. Knowing he would be here with us, made me feel marginally better about agreeing to work this case with them. He pulled away and shut the door behind us. Dean had stood up and was staring at me, his expression unreadable.

"Ada," he said softly. "You look good."

I glanced at him then looked to the floor. "Thanks." I mumbled. Looking at him brought it all back and I took in a deep breath in an effort to calm my pounding heart. He looked as handsome as I remembered, and as much as I was hurt and angry, I also wanted him to envelope me in a crushing hug, to kiss me and tell me he loved me. To feel his body pressed against mine.

Sam looked between us, both standing there awkwardly and he sighed. "Did you bring your case file?"

Nodding, I passed it to him, watching as he flicked through it before passing it to Dean. "I arrived here 4 days ago, the second vic had been found the day before. There was a week between each death, other than the body found today, which makes it 4 days. I haven't heard anything from the sheriff regarding vic 3, but the first two had quite a run of bad luck before they died. And I mean major."

Dean was flicking through the file. "What do you mean by bad luck?"

"Well, first vic was fired from his job for extorting money, couple days later his mother died unexpectedly. Top it off with him finding out his wife was sleeping with his best friend."

Dean whistled low under his breath. "What about vic number 2?"

I sat down at the table. "His dog died; run over chasing the family cat, wife leaves him and takes their kids with her then he totals his beloved Chevrolet Corvette."

He grimaced. "Ouch. Anything to connect each vic?"

"Other than money and being members of the local country club, nothing I can see."

Sam was typing away on the laptop, not really paying that much attention to us.

"Witches?" Dean asked, looking at me questionably. His eyes were bright with the excitement of a new case and I couldn't help but get lost in them a little, smiling at him softly. "Er...no," I said, shaking my head and looking away. "I checked their houses, cars, offices, everywhere I could thinks of and I found nothing. But Sam did spot something in the photo's that kind of connects them?"

We both turned to look at Sam. Or at least I did. I could feel him staring at me, his eyes looking me over and I closed my eyes for a second, taking in a deep breath to calm myself and focused my attention on Sam. He was still typing, making me jump when he started to talk.

"I knew I'd seen that book before."

"Book?" Dean asked, taking another look at the photos.

Sam turned the laptop round so we could see what he had been looking up. "Tomino's Curse."

"What the hell is Tomini's Curse?" Dean asked, leaning forward and squinting his eyes at the screen.

"It's a Japanese urban legend," Sam said, "specifically a poem called Tomino's Hell, telling the story of a young boys damnation for unnamed acts. The poem was included in a book called 'The Heart is a Rolling Stone.' by author Yomota Inuhiko in 1919."

"The book you saw in the photo's," I said, pulling the laptop towards me. "It's not sure how the rumour started but there is a warning that 'if you read this poem out loud, tragic things will happen.'"

"The vic's run of bad luck." Dean said.

Sam nodded. "The poet was a little bit on the weird side, according to what I've read, using weird symbols in his works," he said. "The translated poem is all over the internet, with people commenting that nothing untoward happened to them after they read the poem out loud, so I'm assuming only handling the book and reading out the poem will activate the curse."

"If it's a Japanese curse then how the hell did the book get here?" Dean asked. "How did the vic get the book in the first place?"

"We still need to speak to the sheriff about yesterday's vic, check out whether or not he had the same kind of bad luck before he bit it." I said, pushing away the laptop. Dean was staring at me again and it was making me feel on edge.

"We should talk to the families too. Maybe they know something about how their husbands got hold of the book." Sam suggested. "Dean, you talk to the sheriff and I'll go with Ada to interview the families."

Dean frowned, not looking to happy at Sam's suggestion but agreed anyway. "Ok."

I stood up and made my way to the door. "I'll get changed into something less comfortable." I said, "meet back here when I'm ready?"

Sam nodded, his attention shifting back to the laptop. Dean had stood up too, looking at me like he wanted to say something but couldn't get his words out.

"Well...ok...I'll, er...I'll just...you know..." Indicating the door and smiling awkwardly, rushing out the door, and walking quickly to my room.

"Way to go idiot," I muttered to myself as I closed the door. "That wasn't awkward at all."

I knew this was going to happen. I was getting pulled back in, just seeing him had made my heart pound and my stomach flip. No. Despite my love for him, I was still so angry at him, and hurt at what he did. I refused to let him get to me like this, to pull me into his games again. If I had to quit this case, then I would.

Changing quickly, I added some light makeup to my look and tied my hair back into a sleek ponytail. "I can do this, I can do this," I said to myself in the mirror. "Come on Ada, get yourself together and be the bad ass hunter you know you are."

Standing up straight, I nodded at my reflection and left my room, walking to the Winchester's room and knocking on the door.

Dean answered this time, opening the door wide enough for me to walk inside. I looked around the room for Sam, but her wasn't here. Panic started to build and I took in a small breath, "Shit," I swore under my breath, plastering on a smile and turning to face him. "Where's Sam?" I asked, trying not to sound as panicked as I felt.

"Shower," he said, stepping towards me. He looked down at the floor for a minute then looked back up at me. "I...I want to apologise to you about..."

I raised my hand and cut him off. "You broke my heart and all you can say is sorry? No, no. You don't get to play the bull shit apology card with me, and you don't get to play your mind games with me either."

"Ada, I never..."

"Save it. You broke me Dean," I said, blinking back my tears. No way was I going to let him ruin my make up. "You don't realise how much you broke me. I remember every single word you said to me."

He took another step forward. "I didn't mean to..."

I took a step back. "You didn't mean it? You knew damn well what you were doing and you knew damn well it would break me. But somehow that still didn't stop you and that's what hurts the most. You didn't care about my feelings at all."

"I'm sorry, Ada," he said, apologetic. "I want to make this right."

I moved around him and walked to the door. "Don't be sorry. I trusted you. My mistake, not yours. I said quietly. "This doesn't have a fairy-tale ending Dean. You hurt me. You knew you were hurting me, and you knew you were wrong, but you carried on anyway. As much as I still love you, I can't forgive and forget just yet because you broke something inside of me that saying sorry just can't repair." I opened the door. "Tell Sam I'll be waiting in my room."


	16. Chapter 16

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **A/N -** feedback fuels my delicate ego!

 **Chapter sixteen**

I walked quickly to my room, slamming the door shut behind me and I sat down at the table. My heart was pounding in my chest and I tilted my head back, blinking away the tears forming in my eyes, refusing to let him get to me.

How dare he think that a half assed apology would make things right again, not after what he did. I didn't know if this was part of his game, and it hurt not being able to trust him like I used too. Maybe they should finish this case without me, I thought as I dabbed the corner of my eyes with a tissue. Being around him was clearly going to affect me, hurt, anger and pain swirling inside of me and making me nauseous.

A knock on the door pulled me out of my thoughts and I walked over, pausing to peep through the hole.

Sam.

I flung open the door with a scowl on my face and crossed my arms. "You left me in the room with him."

He looked at me apologetically. "I'm sorry Ada. He managed to get into the bathroom first and decided to take his time. I barely had enough time to shower myself."

I shook my head. "Asshole."

Letting him into the room, I closed the door and leaned against it, my arms crossing again. "He tried to apologise to me."

Sam raised his brows. "And...?"

Shrugging, I walked over to my bed and sat down. "And what? What do you expect me to say to him?" I asked, "Oh Dean, I forgive you. Even though you broke my spirit and my soul, ripped out my still beating heart and crushing it in your hands, I'll forget every hurtful thing you said to me and we'll be together forever." I exaggerated in a high pitched, whiny voice. "Not going to happen Sam. This isn't something I can just forget and forgive right now. I'm angry Sam, so angry at what he did. Two years I spent thinking we were friends and he threw it all away so easily. He knew exactly what he was doing, how much it would destroy me, and he did it anyway."

Sam sighed. "I know. Just, I don't know, let him at least try to show you how sorry he is?"

"I'm not promising anything," I warned him, "let's get the ball rolling on this case."

"Mrs Park, we would like to offer our condolences for your loss. We know this is a difficult time for you, but would we be able to ask you a few questions?" Sam said, keeping his voice soft and comforting.

"Oh, er...yeas, yeas of course. Come inside." she opened the door wider and we stepped inside the hallway. The house was quite big, definitely showing that they had money, and we followed her into the living area, where she motioned for us to sit.

"We're just going to ask some follow up questions, we won't take up a lot of your time." I said, pulling out my notepad to make myself look professional. "We noticed your husband possessed a vintage book with him on the day he died. Could you tell us a little bit about how he required it?"

She frowned. "A book? What does that stupid book have to do with his death?"

Sam smiled. "We're just going through his belongings list the sheriff gave us ma'am and we need to ask, for the insurance company as well."

"Oh, yes," she shrugged as she leaned back onto the sofa. "He bought it from a dealer in Japan and had the thing shipped over. He collects first edition books you see, any book, any genre, just as long as it's the first." She pointed to a room, just across the hall. "He has bookshelves filled with them in his office. He has quite the collection, they were his pride and joy. He had heard of some kind of cursed book, finding it in Japan. The curse on it made him want it even more, bragging about it with some other collectors at the country club. First thing he did was read the damn thing aloud."

"Wasn't the book written in Japanese?" I asked, surprised. I wouldn't have pegged that the vic was bilingual.

She nodded. "That's the thing, I know he doesn't speak Japanese. But when he touched the book, he immediatley flicked to a page and read whatever was written on that page fluently."

I glanced over at Sam, my eyebrow arching at what Mrs Park was relying to us.

"It was strange, the way he read the text. It wasn't my husband reading, his voice was completely different, low and monotomous, he sounded possessed." She said, shuddering at the memory. "And afterwards, when I was talking about it, he acted like he didn't know what I was talking about. It was the day after when he started to get paranoid, more so after he was fired." She looked down at her hands, which were clasped together. "He found out I was having an affair with his best friend the day before his mother died."

"That's quite a run of bad luck," Sam said sympathetically.

She nodded again, tears shining in her eyes. "The night he died, I...I didn't know he'd been drinking. He said something about getting rid of the book, needing to stop the curse and give it to Ben. The crash..." she dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. "As soon as the police released his belongings, I gave the book to Ben. And with what happened to him..."

"How did your husband and Mr Carter know each other?" I asked.

"Harvey knew him from the country club. Along with a few others, they were part of a kind of collectors circle. Very competitive, constant bragging over the books they acquired."

"Do you mind if we take a quick look in your husband's office?" Sam asked, flashing her those dimples that made women melt.

She stared at him for a second. "Oh, sure. Go ahead agents." she said, ushering us towards the office.

There was a mahogany desk in the middle of the room, bookshelves lining every wall, filled with books, Sam made a beeline for the computer while I wandered over to one of the shelves, pulling out the first edition of Harry Potter and the Philospher's Stone. "No fucking way! I loved this book, I read the whole series 3 times!" I exclaimed, carefully turning the book over and stroking its spine softly. "Do you think Mrs Park would miss just one book?" I queried, looking in awe at the rest of Mr Park's collection.

Sam was sat behind the desk, scrolling through Mr Parks emails. "I think it would be a strong yes to that question, seeing as that book alone is worth $8,000."

I carefully slid the book back into its slot on the shelf and looked around. "There must be hundreds of books in here. This room alone must be worth thousands." I said as I ran my hands along the books. I took in a deep breath, a smile playing on my lips. "And the smell Sam. It's like walking into one of those little hidden book shops, musty and old. I don't ever want to leave."

Sam looked up and smiled. "I've missed seeing you smile like that."

I ducked my head and blushed. "I've missed smiling like this."

"So, get this," he said, motioning for me to look at the screen. "He was messaging a dealer in Japan about the book, paying him a cool $400,000 for it. He definitely knew about the curse, the dealer continuously warns him about it before he bought the book but he just laughed it off."

"And we know how that ended for him," I pointed out, leaning forward to read the email over Sam's shoulder and whistling low under my breath. "That is a shit ton of money."

Sam nodded. "The dealer kept raising the price, in an effort to deter the vic from buying the book maybe? Every email he sent, he warned the vic about the curse. But he wanted the book that bad, he just paid the money."

Straightening, I went back to look at the books. "What about the other members of this collector's club?" My attention was diverted back to the bookshelf. "Holy shit! He has the whole Harry Potter series! Sam, look!"

He chuckled, still typing on the computer. "From what I can tell, he was in regular contact with 4 other collector's/ Vic 2 and 3 being among them."

"So we have a potential 4th vic? We need to find this book before it ends up in their hands. Got a name?" I asked, glancing over at him.

"Seth Wood." Sam replied, finally standing and taking a better look at the books. He was just as enthralled by them as I was, his hazel eyes sparkling as he read the titles. His phone ringing bringing us both back to reality, back to what we were here for in the first place.

"Dean,"

Rolling my eyes, I sat on the chair in the corner of the room, picking at my nails while Sam was talking.

"Ok, we're still at Mr Parks home. Meet us at vic 2's house, we shouldn't be more than 15 minutes. Yep, ok, bye."

"What did he want?" I asked nonchalantly, trying to ignore the butterflies invading my stomach at the mere mention of his name.

"He's finished talking to the sheriff, so he'll meet us at the Carter's house to talk to his wife." Sam told me, walking over to the door. "Come on, let's get going."


	17. Chapter 17

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **A/N -** Feedback is much appreciated.

 **Chapter seventeen**

Dean Winchester in a suit should be classed as a weapon of mass destruction. He looked good. Too good. Sinfully good.

I took in the sight of him, biting my bottom lip to stop myself from drooling, my imagination in overdrive as I envisioned him pinning me to the wall and...no, I thought, mentally shaking my head. No. No matter how delicious he looked, no matter how much I wanted to grab him and kiss him, I had to remember the reason why we were in this position to begin with. And the way he made me feel like I wasn't good enough for him, or for anyone.

His gravely voice pulled me from my thoughts, and I realised I had been staring at him the entire time. My cheeks flushed pink and I quickly looked away, the smirk on his face letting me know he knew I'd been thinking about him.

Cocky bastard.

"Sheriff confirmed the vic had the same shitty luck as the other two. Didn't understand what it had to do with the case though, seen as the coroner said they were all accidental deaths. Which I suppose they are, in a way. Just spurred on by a damn cursed book." he said.

"What happened to him before he croaked?" I asked, annoyed at myself for letting him get into my head.

"His house was about to be repossessed and put up for auction," he replied, leaning back against the Impala and crossing his arms over his chest. "Probably because his printing business was going under. And his wife filed for divorce and wanted half of his money."

I swear to god this man was trying ti kill me. Seeing him leaning on Baby so casually, his arms crossed making his shirt strain over his muscular arms, his jaw tensing as he reached up to loosen his tie a little...I seriously needed to concentrate on the case.

"Where is the book now?" Sam asked, loosening his own tie.

I think both boys were trying to kill me.

"It should still be at the vic's house. Sheriff didn't say anything about removing any of his things."

"We need to speak to his wife, see if he acted the same way as the other two when they got their hands on the book." I said, trying hard not to stare at him. He knew the effect he was having on me, just as I knew he was loving every second of it.

"The same way?" he asked, his brows furrowing in confusion.

"Mr Park's wife told us that when he touched the book, he immediately flicked to the page with the poem and read it out loud. In fluent Japanese." Sam told him as he walked over to the Impala and grabbed a couple bottles of water from the back seat.

"I'm guessing he didn't know a lick of Japanese?" Dean asked, his brows raising.

"Nope. And I'm taking a wild guess that the other vics didn't either." I added, taking the water Sam was offering me and smiling at him gratefully. It was starting to get dark and I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was go back to the motel and climb into bed. Surely, they could talk to Mrs Carter without me, I thought leaning back on my car, my head coming back to rest on the door frame, and I closed my eyes. I was getting a headache and being around Dean didn't help. Every time he looked at me, my stomach flipped, and I was pretty sure I was going to start vomiting butterflies.

I opened my eyes and stretched out my tense muscles, noticing Dean staring at me this time, his mouth parted and his eyes wide. Smirking, I raised my arms into a long stretch, my shirt rising up and exposing my stomach before I pushed out my chest and straightening up, flashing him a sweet smile. He was practically drooling, and I fist bumped myself in my head, glad I was having the same effect on him that he was having on me.

Sam cleared his throat and I looked at him. He rolled his eyes at my little display and I shrugged. "Let's get this over with, shall we?" I said, "I've got a well deserved date with my pillow."

We were stood in front of Mr Carter's home waiting for someone to open the door. I was in between both boys, trying not to lose my composure as the smell of Dean enveloped me. I had missed that smell; whiskey, leather and a hint of vanilla.

I could feel his eyes on me as he shifted closer to me making sure our arms were touching. A jolt of electricity running through me at his touch and I turned my head, my eyes wide as he smiled down at me.

"I know you feel it too," he whispered low in my ear, the feel of his hot breath on my skin making me shiver with arousal, "that spark between us is still there."

"So, what if it is. It doesn't mean anything." I whispered back angrily, straightening up as the door opened. "You're still a dick, Winchester."

Mrs Carter frowned when she saw me. "Look agent, I told you before that I didn't want to talk. His death was deemed an accidental homicide. Can't you just let us grieve in peace?"

"I'm sorry ma'am, it's just a couple more questions. Mainly for insurance purposes."

She sighed loudly, pinching her nose and opening the door wider to let us in.

The strong smell of bleach overwhelmed me, the house un-naturally, sparkling clean. You'd never have guessed that someone had had their head blown off at the bottom of the staircase.

We sat down on the couch in the living area, Dean pressing himself against me again. It was a big enough couch to give us all extra room, but he decided squishing against me would be better. I gritted my teeth, knowing he was doing it on purpose. It was distracting me from concentrating on what we were supposed to be doing. I elbowed him in the ribs, hearing him let out a quiet 'oof' and I smiled widely as I sat up straight.

"Can you tell us a little bit about the book your husband received from Mrs Park?" Sam asked gently.

She frowned and shook her head. "That book made me uncomfortable from the minute he laid eyes on it."

"What do you mean?" I asked, moving away from Dean a little.

She screwed up her face. "Well, apart from the fact it was given to him from his dead friend, as soon as he held the thing, it was like something went through him and right away he opened the book to read from it." she said shuddering slightly. "But he read it in Japanese. He doesn't know Japanese! And the way he spoke; it was so flat and quite scary. It didn't sound like him at all. Then he went back to normal like that," she snapped her fingers, "couldn't remember even reading the thing."

"You wouldn't happen to know what happened to the book after your husband passed away, would you?" Dean asked, leaning forward slightly and smiling at her.

She blushed and coyly smiled back at him, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Oh...erm...I...I gave it to Daniel. He collected books like my husband and Harvey."

"That would be Daniel Clarke, yes?" I asked her, frowning at her flirting with Dean.

She glanced over at me for a second before looking back at Dean. "Yes. Daniel Clarke."

"Thank you, Mrs Carter," Dean said, his smile wide, holding out his hand for her to shake.

"Helen, please call me Helen." She flirted, gladly taking a hold of his hand.

My lips pursed and my eyes narrowed as I watched him flirt with her, jealousy rolling through me like thunder. We all stood at the same time and I lost my balance a little, Dean grabbing my arm to help me steady myself. My skin tingling at his touch, sending fire pulsing down to my core and I pulled away. "Don't touch me," I hissed quietly under my breath.

He backed away, looking a little shocked at my defensiveness. I shouldn't have reacted so aggressively but the way he'd just been flirting with 'Helen' had me pissed, and angry at myself. He made me feel so angry but at the same time, all I wanted to do was grab him and fuck him right there in front of that cougar and claim what was mine. But that's just it, he wasn't mine. And never would be.

As soon as I was out of that house, I stormed over to my car, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath before opening the door.

"Hey, Ada," Sam called, walking over to me. "You ok?"

"Yep, I'm just dandy." I lied, plastering on a smile. "I just want to get out of here and away from Casanova over there." I indicated towards Dean, who was still talking to Helen. I watched as she slipped him a piece of paper, no doubt with her cell number written on it, and I shook my head, my eyes narrowing as I clenched my teeth.

Sam smirked at me and crossed his arms. "You're jealous."

"What? No, I'm not," I snorted. "It's just, you know, her husbands only been dead a couple of weeks and she's already trying to get laid?"

Sam shrugged as he watched them. "She did leave him before he died."

She laughed at something Dean said, reaching out and touching his arm, and I rolled my eyes. This was upsetting me more than I'd like. "Well, I bet she's a sure thing with Dean then."

Sam looked back over at me and touched my arm. "Hey, I didn't mean to..."

I shook my head, interrupting him. "You didn't. I'm upsetting myself by letting him get into my head. So much for just strictly business." I smiled sadly. "I should have expected it. He's not mine Sam. He never was and will never be. I've just got to get through this case then I can disappear again."

He pulled me into a hug, kissing my forehead before resting his chin on top of my head. "You're wrong you know. You might not think it, or believe it, but he does love you. You know Dean. He's an idiot sometimes but he means well."

I wrapped my arms around his waist. "I thought I knew him. Turns out not so much."


	18. Chapter 18

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **A/N -** Feedback is always appreciated.

 **Chapter eighteen**

My drive back to the motel was quiet, my mind on Dean and my feelings towards him.

Could I forgive him? I honestly didn't know the answer to that question. I still loved him, there was no doubt about that, and I knew I always would, but could I put what happened behind us and think about a future with him? Could I trust him again?

Sighing, I pulled up outside my room, the Impala not that far behind me. I knew we needed to go over things about the case but all I wanted was to be alone, for this day to be over. The boys were already at their door, and I watched as they both paused before reaching for their guns. Sam looked over at me and nodded towards their door, which was partly open. I grabbed my own gun and quietly left my car, walking quickly over to them.

We walked slowly to the door, I stood on the left side while Dean stood on the right, Sam gently nudging the door open before quietly walking into the room. A dark figure stood in the middle of the room, their back to us.

"Don't move," I said, my finger touching the trigger of my gun as they started to turn around.

As soon as I had spoken, Sam had lowered his gun and walked over to whoever was in the room and wrapped his arms around them. I couldn't see who it was because of Sam's giant moose body, until Dean stood next to me.

"Stacey," he said as he closed the door and put his gun on the table.

I lowered my own gun, trying not to watch their lovey-doveyness. I couldn't help it though. The smile on Sam's face told me he truly loved this girl, he lit up and looked the happiest I'd ever seen him, and it brought a small smile to my own face.

Dean sat down at the table and I sat opposite him, still watching Sam and Stacey. "Makes you want to puke, don't it?" he said as he watched them too.

My eyes flickered over to him. He had the same wistful look in his eyes as I did, and I could tell that it was something that maybe he wanted too. "I think its cute," I replied, giving him a small smile.

He smiled back at me, the corners of his eyes crinkling. Maybe things had changed, maybe Sam was right...

"Ada!"

My eyes widened at the shriek of my name and I was grabbed and pulled up into a tight hug. "Need...to...breath..." I managed to gasp out.

"Oh! Sorry!"

She let me go, a bemused Sam standing behind her. I smiled at her tentatively, my brows rising at her excitement. "Oh my god, it is so good to see you again!" she exclaimed. "We've been searching for you for months and Sam just happens to bump into you on the same hunt! How lucky!"

!Yeah, lucky..." I trailed off, looking over her shoulder at Sam. He just shrugged, his smile widening.

"After Sam told me what Deano..."

"Dean. My name is Dean!" he interrupted, his voice rising at the little nickname she'd obviously been calling him for a while.

She rolled her eyes and smirked. "Like I said, Deano," she exaggerated his nickname, "he was, well we all know what happened. I can't imagine how you felt and I know it wasn't good." She pursed her lips and her brow furrowed as she looked at Dean, who was looking down at the table avoiding the stares, before she looked back at me. "I can't wait to get to know you a bit better, after all we only met once." Grabbing my arm, she pulled me towards the door. "Let's go to your room and have a little girly chat."

I looked at Sam with pleading eyes as she pulled me out the door, but he just laughed and gave me a little wave. Dean was still looking down at the table, not bothering to look up.

She was spirited, I'll give her that.

As soon as we walked into my room, she pulled me into another hug. It felt oddly comforting, not like the hug she gave me in the boy's room, and I rested my head on her shoulder, the emotions of the last couple of days hitting me all at once and I started to cry.

"Aw sweetie," she murmured into my hair, "I'm so sorry,"

"I'm...I'm ok." I managed to utter around my sobs. "You smell like my mom."

She chuckled as she lead me over to the sofa and we sat down next to each other. "Can't beat a spritz of Chanel No 5. How have you been?" she asked softly, keeping a hold of my hands.

"I was getting by ok until a couple of days ago. Seeing him was...unexpected."

She nodded. "I'll bet it was. When Sam told me...he was so angry Ada. Angry at Dean, angry at himself for not being there when he...you know."

"It wasn't Sam fault. I don't think he would have ever thought Dean would do something like that. I sure didn't"

She leaned back against the sofa. "We searched high and low for you girl! How the hell did we not find you?"

I wiped my eyes and laughed. "I'm actually surprised at that myself. I just kind of stayed off the radar I guess. Only used cash, burner phones which I changed every week, avoided any other hunter and took cases that I thought the boys wouldn't be interested in." I shrugged, "Got that one wrong though and now here we are."

"Weren't you tempted to just make a run for it?" she asked as she arched an eyebrow.

"I was going to. But Sam asked me to stay. And well, you know Sam..."

Her mouth curved into a smile. "Puppy dog eyes?"

I nodded. "Puppy dog eyes."

She laughed loudly, her eyes twinkling. "But they worked and here you are sat in front of me." She squeezed my hands, "I'm so happy he found you. He has missed you terribly, and so has Dean."

"Stacey..."

"I know, I know. He's a dick, a major dick for what he did to you. I've been giving him shit for what he did to you. I've been giving him shit for it for 7 months. But I've also seen how miserable he is." Her forehead furrowed, a line appearing between her brows. "I'm not going to tell you to forgive him or forget what happened. And I'm not going to harp on at you about how sorry he is. It's your decision either way and I'll support you as best as I can and if you want any advice or you want to talk about how he's been since you left, I'm here."

Knowing I could trust her made me feel marginally better about the whole situation and I knew I had a lot of decisions to make. "Thank you. In all honesty, I don't know what I'm going to do. I still love him, I love him so much Stacey and seeing him makes me ache to be in his arms. To forget it all. But I can't forget and I'm not sure I can forgive." My eyes swarm with tears. "He broke something inside of me Stacey. What he said to me, I can't get those words out of my head. I spent two years of my life living with him, thinking the bunker was my home, that they were my family and he destroyed it all in a matter of minutes."

She pulled a tissue out from her pocket and handed it to me. "I...I don't know what I can say to make you feel better, to make this situation easier for you. Sam told me a little, but I don't think even he knows the whole story. Dean has never spoken about it and whenever we bring it up, he just walks away."

I let out a bitter laugh. "That's Dean for you. Can't let his emotions show, he's got to keep the big, bad tough hunter charade going." I shook my head sadly and sighed. "And yet he used to be the sweetest, kindest person I knew. I loved being that one person who could bring out that side of him."

"You could again," she ventured, "I hear him some nights, I can hear him crying, whispering your name. He has one of your t-shirts that you left behind in his room. Thinks we don't know about it but we do. He acts all tough but deep down, he knows he made the biggest mistake of his life letting you go."

"Sam told me the same thing." I said, nibbling on my lower lip. "I just...I can't..."

"Its ok, Ada. You don't need to know all the answers right away," She stood up and walked to the door. "Let's get some sleep, tomorrow is a new day. Just, all I ask is for you to give him a chance."

A single tear slid down my cheek. "I'll try."


	19. Chapter 19

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **A/N -** Feedback is much appreciated.

 **Chapter nineteen**

Sleep seemed to evade me.

Staring up at the ceiling of the motel room, I sighed. Just a couple of hours, I thought trying to relax and will my body to let me sleep. I gave my legs a shake, then my arms and my head, in an effort to loosen up before closing my eyes, letting my body relax and sink into the the mattress, and I let out a deep breath.

I carried on breathing slowly in and out, trying to clear my mind but it just wasn't happening.

"God damn it!" I yelled in frustration as I thrashed about angrily in my bed, arms and legs flailing about before lying still again. I picked up my phone and checked the time.

3:47am.

Fuck. I needed coffee. Lots and lots of coffee.

I dragged myself out of bed and grabbed my jacket and keys, not bothering to change out of my pyjamas that were really just a pair of shorts and one of Dean's old band t-shirts I had stolen off him when I lived at the bunker.

The all night diner was only a block away so I walked there slowly, enjoying the cool night air and the clear starry sky. This was one of the aspects I loved about small towns. There was no smog and crap in the air to block out the nights sky, to see all the stars lighting my way through the darkness.

Pushing open the door of the diner, I took in a deep breath, the smell of freshly brewed coffee in the air making me sigh in happiness. "A very large coffee please." I asked as I sat down at the counter.

The waitress grabbed a mug and poured me my coffee. "Here you go, sweetheart."

I wrapped my hands around the mug and took a long sip, savoring the taste of the hot, bitter liquid sliding down my throat. "Mmm, thank you."

I walked over to an empty booth, coffee in hand and looked around. The diner was practically empty, a couple of truckers dotted around and the cook and waitress chatting behind the counter.

Life was so simple for them, no knowledge of what lurks in the shadows and under your bed, wanting to eat you alive. Sometimes I wondered what my life would be like if I didn't know about the things that go bump in the night. I'd always dreamt of being a teacher, working in a kindergarten somewhere and helping cute little kids to read and write.

I smiled wistfully and looked out of the window into the darkness surrounding the diner. I knew what was out there, I killed what was out there, and for what? To keep the world a safer place? I wondered who were more dangerous, the monsters I thought or the humans I saved.

Monsters knew what they wanted, and they set out to achieve that goal. Kill and destroy. They were kind of predictable in that way.

But humans, all they seemed to do was lie and manipulate, cheat, kill and destroy each other for kicks. You never really knew what someone was capable of, even the quietest, kindest and friendliest person had something to hide.

I drank the rest of my coffee, leaving a few bills on the table and left the diner to walk back to the motel.

I hadn't gotten far when I sensed it.

Someone was following me.

I'd only left the diner about 3 minutes ago to walk back to the motel when I heard the footsteps behind me. It was still dark, sunset only a couple of hours away and I quickened my pace, wanting to get back to the motel as quickly as I could. Suddenly I felt someone grab my arm and I instinctively spun around, my hand clenching into a fist and connecting with the persons face.

"Ow, shit Ada."

"Dean?"

I pulled away and watched as he rubbed his jaw, my mouth twitching into a smile. "What the hell were you doing following me in the middle of the night?"

He looked down at me sheepishly, "I wasn't following you. I saw you walk to the diner and wanted to make sure you were ok."

"Make sure I was..." I sighed and shook my head. "Dean, I can handle myself, you of all people should know that. Plus, walking behind a woman in the dark and grabbing her arm? You're lucky I didn't have my room key in between my fingers or you would have lost an eye."

"Yeah, sorry. Didn't really think things through there, did I?" he said embarrassed, rubbing the nape of his neck.

"Not the first time you didn't think things through," I said quietly. "How did you see me if you were in your room? Were you watching me or something?"

"No! I was sleeping in the Impala. Didn't want to stay in the room with those two love birds going at it."

I scrunched up my face and nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I don't think I'd want to be in the room with them either. Why didn't you book another room?"

He shrugged. "Why waste the money when I've got Baby."

"Yeah, but she isn't exactly comfortable to sleep in." I started to walk back to the motel, Dean easily keeping up with me.

"She's comfortable enough."

We walked in awkward silence, stopping when we reached the motel. "Well, I guess..." I said, taking a step backwards.

"Yeah..." he murmured, reaching up to scratch his neck.

"Goodnight Dean."

"It's morning but yeah, goodnight."

Walking over to my room, I paused before opening the door, looking back at Dean leaning against the Impala. I couldn't leave him out here to stay in Baby. It would only be a couple of hours then we'd be all up and carrying on with the case.

"Hey Dean," I whisper-yelled, trying not to be too loud.

His head snapped round. "Yeah?"

I took a deep breath and smiled. "You can stay on the sofa in my room for the next couple hours if you like. It's more comfortable than staying out here."

His eyebrows snapped up in surprise. "Are you sure?"

Nodding, I opened the door. "Yeah, come on."

He practically sprinted over to me, a huge smile spread across his face. "Thanks Ada."

"This doesn't mean we're besties or anything. I just didn't want you to get cold..."

He closed the door behind him and I looked up as he walked slowly into the room, staring at me with his shimmering emerald eyes.

I swallowed and turned away, letting out a nervous giggle. "There...there are some spare blankets in the wardrobe for you to use on the sofa."

He grabbed my hand and squeezed it, my skin tingling at his touch. "Thank you, Ada."

Looking down at my hands in his, it felt...it felt...right. Like my hand was molded to fit perfectly into his. My stomach was flipping out, flames licking my entire body as I looked back up into those exquisite green eyes, mesmerized by just how beautiful they were, how intoxicating he was and how much I wanted him, despite everything. He had pulled me forward, his hands snaking around my waist and I closed my eyes, my lips parting ready to feel his soft, plump lips pressing against mine...

"Ada, I want to kiss you right now, I want to kiss you badly, but I don't want you to regret this and get upset. I need to make you see how much I want you, how much I love you and I want you to want this just as much as I do. I don't want to take advantage of you," He whispered into my ear, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead and pulling away from me. "If I kissed you now, I don't think I'd be able to stop."

I couldn't move. My mouth opened and closed as I tried to find the words, any words, to convey how appreciative I was that he didn't take advantage of the situation, given the circumstances. But yet, at the same time, rejection flowed through me. That he didn't want to kiss me because I still wasn't good enough for him. I tried to blink back the tears filling my eyes and failing miserably.

"Ada, I didn't mean to..." he said, reaching out for me.

I took a step back and raised my hand. "I know, I just...I need..." I turned quickly and rushed to the bathroom, locking the door behind me before turning and sliding down to the floor.

Dean knocked on the door. "Hey, are you ok in there? I'm sorry..."

I sniffed. "I'm fine...I'll be out in a minute Dean. You try and get some sleep."

There was a slight pause before he responded. "Ok. I'm sorry Ada."

I listened to his footsteps walk away, the creak of the wardrobe doors as he got a blanket and the squeaky coils in the sofa as he sat down before I turned on the shower and started to cry.

What is wrong with me? I thought sobbing. What the hell am I doing inviting him into my room? I missed him, missed how we used to be. I never thought we would end up like this, we were practically strangers. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I took a deep breath and stood up. I needed to get at least a couple hours sleep, I thought, splashing my face with cold water and turning off the shower. Opening the door, I walked quietly into the room, tip toeing past a sleeping Dean as not to wake him. He looked so peaceful lying there, his snores making me smile. Reaching over him, I pulled the blanket up to his shoulders, cradling the side of his face gently. He seemed to sense my presence even in his sleep, and he turned into my hand, mumbling my name.

"Thank you Dean," I whispered before removing my hand and sliding into my bed, my eyes heavy with tiredness. The sound of his snores helped lull me to sleep, his presence making me feel safe and for the first time in a long time, I fell asleep with a smile on my face.


	20. Chapter 20

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **A/N -** Feedback is gold! Let me know what you think.

 **Chapter Twenty**

I woke to the smell of coffee, the room empty and the blanket Dean had used folded neatly on top of the sofa. He must have left the coffee for me, I thought as I swung my legs out of bed, raising my arms and stretching out my stiff muscles.

Grabbing the coffee, I took a large gulp. I needed to wake myself up and get ready, so we could finish this case. Walking to the bathroom, I turned on the sower, making sure it was cold. That should shock my body into gear. Stepping under the cold water, I let out a squeak, washing quickly, my teeth chattering and my body shivering from the cold water. But i was definitely more alert.

I wrapped myself in a towel and walked back into the room, grabbing the blanket Dean had slept with and wrapping it around my shoulders. I inhaled deeply, the smell of him all over the blanket and I snuggled into it more, letting his scent wrap around me as I lay down on the bed.

It was going to be awkward being around him today after last night. I still felt the sting of rejection from our near kiss even though I knew it was for the best it didn't happen. Dean was right, I needed to be sure that it was something I truly wanted. And right now I wasn't sure. I was still so angry, more so now that I had both Sam and Stacey telling me he lied to me to keep me safe. And I was still unsure about whether they were just telling me what I wanted to hear. The whole situation with Dean was confusing and frustration because of what happened. How calm he was, how nasty he acted towards me, saying the words I'd never have thought he would say, to throw away something so special so easily. If he regretted it as much as Sam and Stacey claim he did, then why do it in the first place, and why didn't her look for me after I had left? I knew he was stubborn, but when it involved the person you loved then surely, he would have pushed past his pride and helped Sam look for me.

There were so many unanswered questions, so many reasons why I should just carry on hunting alone, saying my goodbyes to the Winchesters and moving on.

I shrugged off the blanket and rummaged through my bag for some clothes, grabbing a pair of jeans and a red vest. Pulling my hair back into a messy ponytail, I slipped on my boots, grabbed my keys and walked out the door, ready to get this damn case finished.

Stacey answered the door, full of pep and smiles. How could she be this chirpy, this early in the morning? Looking over at Sam and the big smile he had plastered over his face told me all I needed to know.

Lucky, horny bastards.

I sat down at the table and rested my head in my hands, not even noticing when Dean sat across from me. He smiled and I just stared at him, my mind flicking back to what happened last night, and how good it had felt having his arms wrapped around me. I couldn't help but wonder what it was like kissing him, his plump lips molding against mine, pulling my body closer as he deepened the kiss...

Sam cleared his throat and I blinked, my eyes widening when I realised I was still staring at Dean. He was looking at me and winked, the corners of his mouth turning up into a small smile, knowing exactly what I was daydreaming about. Frowning, I flipped him off and looked over at Sam. "So, what's the plan?"

"We need to get our hands on that book before it gets to Mr Wood. Find out why, when touched by the vics, it only affected them and anybody else who handled the book. There must be some kind of reason for that. And we need to find out how to destroy the damn thing," he said, wrapping his arms around Stacey's waist. She smiled and reached up to kiss his cheek.

"We should get the book first. We don't want another body on our hands." I pointed out. "I'm sure us girls can manage that."

Dean nodded. "Well, while you two grab the book, I'm going to grab some food and Sam can make a start on the research. I'm starved."

Sam frowned. "You're always starved. Why can't I get the food and you start researching?"

"Because I'm not a huge nerd," he retorted, "Plus I'm not eating that rabbit food you're always eating."

I rolled my eyes and he winked at me again before leaving the room.

Stacey shook her head, kissing Sam quickly before turning to me. "Let's get that book, partner."

We pulled up outside Mr Clarke's home, and I noticed the empty driveway. "Great. Just my luck they aren't in," I turned to Stacey, "Have you got a lock pick with you?"

She pulled out a small black pouch. "I'm like a girl scout, I always come prepared."

I moved to get out of the car, but she grabbed my arm. "I don't think so missy. I saw Dean leaving your room this morning," she said, a smile creeping on her face. "Tell me everything."

Turning back towards her, I shrugged. "Nothing happened. He just slept on the couch for a couple of hours, that all."

She pursed her lips. "Hmm. Nothing happened, huh? I can tell you've been crying Ada. What did he do? I'm gonna kick his ass..."

I smiled at her protectiveness. "He didn't do anything, honestly. He just...well, I..." Sighing, I looked down at my hands. "There was a moment, where we, kinda, nearly kissed?" My voice raised at the end of and I bit my bottom lip.

Her mouth dropped open and her brows shot up. "What?"

"We didn't though. He was..." I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "he told me that as much as he wanted to kiss me, he didn't want me to regret it. He said he wanted me to want to kiss him."

Stacey's eyes widened as she listened to me. "That's...that's...surprising. But I do agree with him."

My eyes fill with tears. "I know he's right. But I wanted him to kiss Stacey. I wanted him to kiss me so bad. It felt so good to be in his arms," A tear slid down my cheek. "Even though I know what he did was right, it still made me feel rejected, like I'm still not good enough for him. I'm so confused and angry and upset...I don't know what to do."

She reached over and wiped away my tear with her finger before grabbing my hands. "Listen to me, you _are_ good enough. You are beautiful, and kind, and funny, and a fucking bad ass hunter. You don't need to know all the answers right away. Dean can wait. He still has a lot to prove to you that you can trust him again and for you to figure out what you want to do. Don't let him, or us, pressure you into making a decision you're not quite ready to make." She squeezed my hands and smiled. "Now, let's get that damn book."

We stepped out of the car and walked to the front door of the house. I knocked lightly, checking to see if someone was in and we weren't about to get caught breaking in. There was no answer, so I kept watch as Stacey flipped open her lock picking kit and set to work, breaking the lock in less than twenty seconds.

"Nice," I said, impressed by how quick she was. "That was quicker than I've ever seen Sam and Dean do it."

She smirked as she pocketed her kit. "I know, it really pisses Dean off that I'm quicker than him."

We both giggled as we opened the door and snuck inside the house. Splitting up, she went upstairs as I checked out downstairs.

The house was pristine, everything looked like it had its place and there was literally no mess anywhere. I ran my fingers along the fireplace. Not even a single speck of dust.

It was all a little too stepford wives for me.

I checked everywhere I could thin of, including the kitchen cupboards. Hearing the sound of a car pulling up, I looked out of the window to see Mrs Clarke climb out of her car.

Shit.

I ran as quietly as possible up the stairs, bumping into Stacey as I reached the top. "We've got a problem."

She frowned, holding the book tight to her chest along with a laptop. "Damn it. Well, at least I found the boofk."

"What's with the laptop?" I whispered as we quickly and quietly ran back down the stairs and into the kitchen, ducking down behind the counters when we heard the front door open.

"I figured if we want to find out why the book only effected the 3 vics, then there must be something on here to help us figure it out." she whispered back.

"Yes, I know that...no, I don't...I see...ok..."

She was too busy talking on her cell, to notice us and she walked right past us hiding in the kitchen and walked straight upstairs.

I let out the breath I was holding and we tip-toed to the front door, opening it slowly and getting out of the house as fast as we could, running over to the car.

We were both breathing heavily when we jumped into the car, Stacey immediatley starting the car and driving towards the motel. "That was close. Thank god you found the book."

She let out a laugh. "I know, right? That definitely got my heart pounding!"

I picked up the book off the back seat and looked it over. It looked like nay other kind of old hardback book, the cover a deep burgandy red leather with a little wear and tear. The pages were frayed and quite thin and I flicked through them, careful not to rip them but fascinated by the writings. The calligraphy was amazing, the letters flowing together perfectly. I'd never seen Japanese writing before and it was beautiful. Sam was going to love it.


	21. Chapter 21

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **A/N -** Feedback is gold!

 **Chapter Twenty one**

It didn't take us long to get back to the motel, and I kept hold of the book as we walked into the room.

Sam was sat in his usual position, at the table with his laptop in front of him, the food Dean had brought back next to him. Dean was lying on the bed, propped up by the headboard, his ankles crossed and shoving fries into his mouth as he watched some crappy tv programmes. He looked up as soon as we entered. "Did you get it?" he asked.

I nodded and showed him the book, moving it out of his grasp when he held out his hand. "I don't think so, pretty boy. Get your greasy hands away from the very rare, very much cursed book."

He scowled at me and pouted. "I only wanted to have a look."

"Look with your eyes, not with your hands."

Sam looked up at me. "Can I?"

Nodding, I handed him the book, along with the laptop. "Stacey thought it would come in handy, we might be able ti find something to figure out why the book only cursed the vics and no one else who had touched it."

He smiled and looked over at his girlfriend, who was leaning back on the bed they shared. "Good thinking babe."

She beamed at him. "Thanks."

"Hey! How come you let him hold it?" Dean complained, sounding slightly offended that I'd given the book to Sam.

"Because he's not currently inhaling greasy diner food," I said, scrunching up my face at the burger he was holding.

"This is amazing," Sam said in awe, totally enthralled by the book. He kept turning it over in his hands, stroking the spine and being very careful not to damage the book. "For being a hundred years old, it's still in a pretty good condition."

"So, what now?" I asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed Dean was lying on."

Stacey shrugged, moving to stand behind Sam and resting her hands on his shoulders. "Research I guess. We still need to figure out what to do with the thing and why it only affected these guys and not anyone else who touched the book. I mean, it hasn't affected me, you or Sam, so it must be something they did, maybe?"

"Seen as we have the last vics laptop, I can go though it and see if I can find something. Ada you could look into how to destroy the book." Sam said, pushing over his laptop for me to use. "Babe, do you think you could manage to get the other vics computers too? It might give us a bit more insight into what the vics were up to."

She kissed his cheek. "I'll change into my suit and see what I can do."

"What about me?" Dean asked around a mouthful of fries.

"You can help Ada research on how to destroy the book, if that's ok with her?" Sam asked, looking over at me.

I shrugged. "Sure, I don't mind. As long as he doesn't annoy me."

As smirk spread across his face. "Can't promise you that, sweetheart. I've been told I'm very annoying."

Rolling my eyes, I flipped him off before grabbing the laptop and getting down to work.

There wasn't really that much to learn about the book that we didn't already know. The curse seemed to only effect men, with deaths starting only a year after the book was published. "The book seemed to claim at least 3-4 victims a year from 1920, the deaths, which were all classed as accidental, that seem to be connected to the book until 1967, when it disappeared, resurfacing when Mr Park bought it." I said to no one in particular. "And the deaths were all men."

"Why just the men? That's a little sexist, ain't it?" Dean griped, glancing over at me.

"No, maybe it knows most men are dicks," I retorted, looking at Sam apologetically.

He just rolled his eyes and carried on hacking Mr Clarke's laptop.

"I'm offended by that statement. Not all men are dicks."

Smirking, I tilted my head. "And you're the expert on that, aren't you Dean?"

He raised his hands in surrender and went back to reading his book.

"Why those men in particular though?" I thought out loud. "I mean, most people act dick-ish at times, but they must have done something bad enough to activate a bloody curse."

"I think I have an idea," Sam piped up, "I've been going through Mr Clarke's emails from the last few years, seeing if anything flagged as unusual," he said as he turned the laptop, "He was involved in the hit and run of a little girl. He was driving drunk when he hit her, killing her. She was only 11 years old. He was sentenced with community service and a slap on the wrist."

My eyes swam with tears. "11 years old. I just...I can't believe he got nothing for killing a young girl. He deserved the curse."

Dean shook his head. "How the hell did he get off with that?"

Sam pulled the laptop back to face him. "Money. Turns out he knew the judge from the country club. There was an appeal regarding how lenient the sentence was, why he didn't get any prison time, but it ultimately lead to nothing."

"Unbelievable." I muttered angrily.

Stacey walked through the door, immediately stopping as she noticed the somber feel of the room. "I managed to get both laptops...what happened?"

Sam showed her the emails and articles on the computer, the colour draining out of her face as she read the articles.

"That's just..." she shook her head sadly. "He's lucky the curse killed him. That poor girl."

The room went silent as we all continued to research, Stacey handing one of the laptops to Sam and kept the other as she sat on the sofa.

Every now and again, I could feel Dean's eyes on me, watching me work. It was irritating the hell out of me and when he started to continuously click his pen, I lost my temper. "Dean, do you know the human body has 7 trillion nerves?"

He looked over at me. "Yeah, and?"

"And you're getting on every single last one of mine." I snapped. "Stop clicking the god damn pen!"

Stacey laughed, Sam smirking at Dean.

His mouth twitched. "You mean like this?" he clicked the pen again quickly and I clenched my jaw.

"You keep clicking that pen and I swear to god I will stab you in the throat with it."

He grinned and clicked it again. "I'd like to see you try sweetheart."

I knew he was teasing, but he was just annoying the hell out of me. I turned to Sam. "Can I kill him?"

"No." he said, not even looking up from the computer.

"Just a little bit?"

I saw him smile. "Maybe later."

Dean's grin widened. "Somebody's cranky."

I scowled at him and narrowed my eyes. "Somebody needs to shut the fuck up."

Stacey was watching the two of us bickering, her smile just as wide as Dean's. I glared at her. "Don't you start."

She looked at me innocently. "I didn't say a word,"

My eyes narrowed at her. "But you want too."

Her eyes sparkled with humour, and she gave me a lopsided grin.

"Get this," Sam interrupted, making the whole room turn to him. "Turns out Mr Carter hired someone to kill his wife."

My brows shot up. "What?"

"The burglar who 'accidently' shot him? He was the hitman meant to kill his wife on that same night. He shot the wrong person."

"That's just...wow. Karma at it's finest." I shook my head in disbelief. "Looks like the book cursed the right people."

Stacey nodded. "Well, Mr Park here was spending up a storm with his company's money. Refused to increase his employee's wages and spent the money on," she looked back at the laptop, "prostitutes, drugs, and very extravagant holidays according to his emails. And I mean extravagant. He was paying one hotel $10,000 per night for a room."

"Nice," Dean said, "what a way to fuck over your employee's and drag your family into debt."

"I've not found much on a way to destroy the book," I frowned. "It was shipped here in a metal box, which I'm assuming is a curse box but it could be anywhere by now."

"Little gasoline...blowtorch...no problem." Dean said, putting down his book and smiling at me.

"I wish it was that easy. Looks like people have tried to destroy it in the past but, obviously, it hasn't worked. Hence the curse box."

Sam shut the laptop and stood up, Stacey following suit. "We'll go back to the houses, see if we can find the box the book came with, if not, we will probably have to make our own."

"Have we got everything we need to make our own?" I asked.

Dean nodded. "Should have in Baby."

Sam looked at me. "Are you ok staying here..." he nodded his head towards Dean, who had gone back to flicking through the tv channels."

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Just find that damn box."

They quickly left the room, leaving me alone with Dean. "So..." I said awkwardly.

"Thanks for letting me stay on the sofa last night," he said, looking over at me.

"Oh...er...no problem." I murmured, biting my bottom lip, pretending to carry on researching. I don't know why, all of a sudden, I felt shy being here alone with him. Being with Sam and Stacey, I felt more comfortable, more confident and at ease with him being around. But alone? I was like a giddy, shy, nervous teenager.

"Ada," he stood up and walked over to me, sitting in the chair Sam had been sitting on. "I'm sorry if I upset you last night. I didn't mean to..."

"I know," I smiled softy. "I just..." I looked down at the table, fiddling with my t-shirt. "I felt rejected, like I wasn't good enough for you." I mumbled quietly.

"More like the other way around sweetheart. I'm not good enough for you. I was an idiot to let you go and I'll never forgive myself for what I did to you." He stood and fell to his knees in front of me, reaching out and hooking his fingers under my chin and raising my face so I was looking at him. "I should never have let you go."

His hands cupped my face and he leaned forward. "I love you Ada," he whispered before pressing his lips gently against mine, his eyes seeking permission to keep kissing me. I moaned softly, my arms wrapping around his neck to pull him closer, his hands dropping to my waist, the kiss slow and sensual, not wanting to rush or give in to the primal need we both felt.

I didn't realise I was crying until he pulled back, his fingers wiping away my tears.

"Ada, did I...I'm sorry...I shouldn't have..." he moved to stand up and I grabbed his arm, pulling him back to me.

"No! I mean...it's just..." I sighed, "It's all a little overwhelming. I love you, Dean, I do, but I'm still angry at you and it's confusing me and frustrating me and I...I'm sorry. I'm not making much sense."

He pulled me into a hug, my head coming to rest on his shoulder. "No, I get it, I do. I know you need time and I'm sorry if I'm pushing you into things too quick." He ran his fingers through my hair, making me sigh against his neck. "I want to make it right again. I need to show you how sorry I am, but I can wait. I'll always wait for you."

I closed my eyes, smiling as he squeezed me closer to him before I pulled away and stood up. He looked confused for a second, and I nodded towards the bathroom. "I need to...you know,"

As soon as I closed the door, I turned and pressed my back against it as I touched my lips and closed my eyes. The feel of his lips, of his body pressed against mine...it was just as I'd imagined. Letting out a sigh, I walked over to the mirror. What was happening? Tears filled my eyes again as I looked at myself in the mirror. My face was flushed pink, tear marks running down my cheeks. I looked and felt exhausted. All I wanted to do was curl up with Dean under my blanket and sleep the rest of the day away.

Splashing my face with water, I took one last look in the mirror before turning and walking out of the bathroom, looking over at Dean. He was holding the book, his posture changing, and he stood up to his full height, the book flipping open in his hands and I gasped, my arms stretching out towards him.

"Dean, no!"


	22. Chapter 22

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **A/N -** Little bit of Japanese for ya. Feedback is gold.

 **Chapter Twentytwo**

"Dean, no!"

He stood up straight, his body rigid and his face stoic, the book open in his hand as he began to read.

 _"Tomino no jigoku,_

 _Ane wa chi wo haku, imoto wahihaku,_

 _Kawaii tomino wa tama wo haku_

 _Hitori jigoku ni ochiyuku tomino,"_

I rushed over to him and tried to pull the book out of his hands, but it wouldn't move, it was like it was glued to his hands.

 _"Jigoku kurayami hano mo naki._

 _Muchi de tataku wa tomino no ane ka,_

 _Muchi no shuso gaki ni kakuru."_

Waving my hands in front of his face, I shouted his name. "Dean! Dean! I'll flash you if you stop reading," I waved my hand in front of his face again before slapping him. "Come on, Dean! Free look at my boobs?"

Nothing.

His voice was flat, with no kind of emotion behind it as he continued to read.

 _"Tatake yatataki yare tatakuzo to temo,_

 _Mugen jigoku wa hitotsu michi._

 _Kurai jigoku e anai wo tanomu,_

 _Kane no hitsu ni, uguisuni."_

I started to pace in front of him, panic building inside me. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't take the book away, he wasn't responding to his name. Hell, even offering to flash him didn't work.

Shit, shit, shit.

Grabbing a blanket from the bed, I threw it over the book in his hands but it didn't stop him from reading, the blanket just falling to the floor.

 _"Kawa no fukuro ni yaikura hodoireyo,_

 _Mugen jigoku no tabishitaku_

 _Haro go kitesoru hayash ni tani ni,_

 _Kurai jigoku tanina namagori."_

Fuck it, I thought as I stood in his eye line and lifted up my t-shirt, showing him my bra-covered boobs. "Dean, hey! Look at me! Look at my boobs!" I shouted over his talking.

Not even a flicker.

"Fuck," I muttered, "that should have worked."

 _"Kagoni yauguisu, kurumani yahitsuji,_

 _Kawaii tomino no me niya namida_

 _Nakeyo, uguisu, hayashi no ame ni,_

 _Imouto koishi to koe ga giri."_

I tried to push him, but his feet were planted firmly to the ground. "Come on Dean! Look at me for fucks sake!" I yelled in frustration, slapping him across the face again. "He had to touch the book, didn't he?" I fumed, walking behind him and kicking him in the back of the knees, hoping he would drop to the floor. "Why can't he just keep his hands to himself?"

Nope. He was like statue.

I moved back in front of him. "Sorry Dean," I mumbled as I drew my fist back and punched him as hard as I could in the face. He stopped reading, and I took in a breath waiting to see if he would look at me but he continued to read.

 _"Nakeba kodama ga jigoku ni hibiki,_

 _Kitsune botan no hana ga saku._

 _Jigoku nanayama nanatani meguru,_

 _Kawaii tomino no hitoritabi."_

I flexed my hand, it had hurt like a bitch punching him. I didn't know what else to do. Picking up my phone, I dialled Sam's number.

"Ada? Everything ok?"

"We have a problem," I said, "A huge fucking problem." I put the call on loud speaker, letting Sam listen to Dean.

 _"Jigoku gazaraba mote kite tamore,_

 _Hari no oyama to tomebari wo._

 _Akai tomehari date niwa sasanu,_

 _Kawaii tomino no me jirushi ni."_

He sighed. "He touched the book."

"Yep." I watched Dean carefully as he stopped reading and stood still. "Sam, I think he's finished."

"On our way. Keep your eyes on him, Ada." he told me, hanging up before I could say anything else.

Dean was still standing at attention, not moving, or talking. I walked up to him and waved my hand in front of his face. "Dean?" I said tentavivly. He seemed to come back to his senses, his eyes back to their gorgeous green and he blinked slowly. "Ada? What are you doing?"

I grabbed the book out of his hands. "What am I doing? You read the fucking book Dean!"

He frowned. "What? No, I didn't. I just picked it up to have a look..." Realisation dawned on his face. "Son of a bitch."

"I swear to god Dean." I slammed the book on the table and groaned in frustration. "Aaarrgghh! I'm way too fucking sober for this!"

He reached up and rubbed the side of his face. "Did you punch me?"

I sat down at the table, motioning for him to do the same. "I was trying to get you to stop reading that damn book!" I grinned at him. "Flashed you too."

His head snapped up. "You flashed me? I don't remember that..."

"I was trying to get your attention," I told him, "And now you're fucking cursed, you idiot."

"I didn't know I was going to get cursed! I only wanted to have a look at the damn thing." He whined, rubbing his face before looking back up at me with an impish grin. "You could flash me again."

I snorted. "You wish Winchester. I only did it to get your attention."

"Well, you've got my attention now sweetheart." he said winking at me.

Before I could say anything, Sam and Stacey rushed into the room. "You touched it," Sam frowned.

"If you mean the book, then yeah, I touched it alright." Dean replied, grinning.

I slapped his arm. "It's not funny Dean!"

"In my defence, I was left unsupervised."

"I was in the bathroom for literally two minutes!" I hissed, crossing my arms.

Stacey sat down on the bed. "We couldn't find the box. We checked every vic's house, everywhere we could think of, but it looks like its disappeared."

I groaned. "Great. So, we're stuck with a cursed book and now a cursed Dean. This case is turning out to be a lot more complicated than I anticipated."

"Why curse me thouggh and not Sam? He touched the damn thing too." Dean whined.

We all looked at him in surprise. "Really? You don't think that maybe, just maybe, it has something to do with you lying to me, kicking me out of my home, and breaking my heart?" I said, raising my brows.

His face dropped. "Right...well, fuck. I'm gonna die."

Sam grabbed his laptop and sat down on the sofa. "Not before your bad luck starts. You're officially on lockdown Dean. One of us will have to stay with you at all times until we figure this out."

He huffed. "Great."

We all heard the distinct rumbling of the Impala starting up, Dean's eyes widening as he ran to the door and swinging it open, only to see his beloved Baby race out of the parking lot, leaving a cloud of dust in its wake.

"No, no, no, no! Baby!"


	23. Tomino's Hell translated poem

**A/N -** So, here is the english translation of the poem that Dean read in the last chapter. It was translated by David Bowles. It does actually come with a disclaimer, **'If you read this poem out loud, tragic things will happen.'** The curse is just a rumour. but are you willing to take that chance?

 **Tomino's Hell** **\- English Translation**

Elder sister vomits blood,

younger sister's breathing fire

while sweet little Tomino

just spits up the jewels.

All alone does Tomino

go falling into that hell,

a hell of utter darkness,

without even flowers.

Is Tomino's big sister

the one who whips him?

The purpose of the scourging

hangs dark in his mind.

Lashing and thrashing him, ah!

But never quite shattering.

One sure path to Avici,

the eternal hell.

Into that blackest of hells

guide him now, I pray -

to the golden sheep, to the nightingale.

How much did he put

in that leather pouch

to prepare for his trek to

the eternal hell?

Spring is coming

to the valley, to the wood,

to the spiraling chasms

of the blackest hell.

The nightingale in her cage,

the sheep aboard the wagon,

and tears well up in the eyes

of sweet little Tomino.

Sin, o nightingale,

in the vast, misty forest -

he screams he only misses

his little sister.

His wailing desperation

echoes throughout hell -

a fox peony

opens its golden petals.

Down past the seven mountains

and seven rivers of hell -

the solitary journey

of sweet little Tomino.

If in this hell they be found,

may they then come to me, please,

those sharp spikes of punishment

from Needle Mountain.

Not just on some empty whim

is flesh pierced with blood-red pins;

they serve as hellish signposts

for sweet little Tomino.


	24. Chapter 24

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **A/N -** All the fluffiness and just a teensy bit of angst. As always, feedback is gold.

 **Chapter Twenty three**

"Son of a bitch!"

Dean doubled over, hyperventilating a little too dramatically. "Someone's stolen Baby. Someone's..." He straightened, his face like thunder. "I'm gonna kill 'em. I'm gonna rip them limb from limb, I'm gonna..."

Leaning against the door frame, I smirked at his ridiculous behaviour. "Aren't you over-reacting a little? It's only a car." I teased.

He spun around to glare at me. "You shut your mouth," he said through clenched teeth. "Baby is not just a car."

Sam pinched his nose and sighed. "The stuff we needed to make a curse box are in the trunk, along with all our weapons, aren't they?"

Dean nodded and narrowed his eyes at him. "You get my Baby back Sammy. In one piece."

Stacey linked arm with Sam. "Don't worry Deano, we'll get your precious Baby back," she winked at me, "You can stay with Ada, I'm sure she'll protect you. Play some scrabble or something."

I glared at her before I grabbed Dean and pushed him back into the room then turned to Sam. "Find that car and be quick." I shut the door and pointed at the table. "All of your weapons. On the table. Now."

"What? Why?"

"Because I'm not sitting here with you, knowing you have loaded weapons on you, especially while you're cursed." I said, sitting down. "Table. Now."

"I like it when you're bossy," he smirked, pulling out his gun and demon knife out of the back of his jeans, placing them on the table.

I arched my brow. "Is that all?"

Sighing, he bent over to pull out a small gun that was holstered around his calf, adding it to the weapons already on the table, then sliding an angel blade out of his jacket's inside pocket and placing it in my outstretched hand.

"Thank you," I said, putting it with the others.

He flopped down on the bed with a huff and propped his head up with his hand. "You know, we could have a bit of fun. Blow off some steam, seen as we are here all alone." He said, waggling his eyebrows and winking at me.

"And what kind of fun would that be?" I asked flirtatiously.

He smirked. "Why don't you come over here and I'll show you sweetheart."

I smiled and stood up, watching his face as I walked slowly over to him, his eyes widening, mouth parting slightly and his adam's apple bobbing when he swallowed. I leaned over him, my hands on either side of him, my lips close to his ear, "You wish Winchester," I whispered as I grabbed a pillow and hit him in the side of the head with it. "Sorry Dean, I couldn't resist." I giggled, sitting next to him.

He laughed, knocking me with his shoulder. "Tease."

My smile faltered, and I rested my head on his shoulder, my hands fiddling with my top. The thought of possibly losing him to this curse, made me physically sick. As much as things were still kind of in the air between us, the thought of him dying...we still had so much to talk about, so many things to do together.

He took one of my hands and squeezed it gently. "You ok?"

I fought back the tears threatening to spill down my cheeks. "I..." I looked up at him with glassy eyes. "I don't want you to die, Dean."

He chuckled. "Don't worry sweetheart, I'll be fine. I've got plenty of life in me yet and I'll be damned if this curse is gonna kill me."

I brought my legs up on the bed, pulling away from him and crossing my legs, turning sideways to face him. "I owe you an apology Dean."

His brows raised in surprise. "What? You don't owe me anything after what I did."

"No! I mean yeah, what happened was pretty bad, but I wasn't exactly innocent in all this either."

He turned to look at me, frowning. "What do you mean?"

I sighed. "All those months I kept whining on to you about Sam, crying over him, pining over him, talking about him incessantly, and all the while, you were in love with me. I was doing to you, however unintentionally, what I thought Sam was doing to me."

He shook his head and smiled softly. "You don't have to say sorry to me about something you didn't know about."

"But in a way, I did know. Deep down, all those feelings I thought were for Sam, were all for you. And I think I pushed them onto him because I was too scared to admit to myself that I loved you. You were my best friend and the thought of losing you..." I said looking down at my hands, my eyes filling with tears again. "After I was stabbed and we nearly kissed, I think I knew then that my feelings for you were more than just friends. And then I fucked it all up by getting drunk and kissing you anyway."

He scooted closer to me, pulling me towards him so that I was nearly sitting in his lap. "None of that is your fault. I acted like an ass. I ignored you, left you in the bunker to go hunting alone, then I did the worst thing imaginable. I broke your heart and made you feel like you weren't special to me when you meant everything to me."

"I still don't understand why. Why did you kick me out? Why did you say all that to me if you didn't mean it?"

He wrapped his arms around me and sighed deeply. "I knew the only way I could get you to leave was if I hurt you deeply, and I'll regret that till the day I die. I'm poison Ada, people I care for, the people I love, they all die. And I didn't, I couldn't let that happen to you. I thought that the further away you were from me, then the demons and the monsters we fight, couldn't get any kind of leverage to use against me, to come after you and take away from me, to come after you and take you away from me. So I did what I thought was right at the time and I was wrong. So wrong."

"Did you look for me?" I asked quietly. I wasn't sure of the answer, only knowing what Sam had told me, that he had told him to stop looking for me.

"At first, no. But after a couple weeks of missing you like crazy and regretting what I did, I started to look for you. Sam didn't know, I knew that he was searching for you too." He said, running his fingers through my hair. "But I couldn't find any trace of you. It was like you'd disappeared off the face of the earth."

I relaxed in his arms. "I suppose I did. You both know all the tricks we use to disappear, so I tried to do the opposite. Used only burner phones, hitchhiked as much as I could, only stealing cars when I caught a case or if I needed somewhere to sleep. Used cash only, no cards, kept off the radar as much as possible, I knew it would be harder for anyone to find me. Not that I thought you were looking. I just wanted to be alone." I lifted myself up and straddled him, my legs resting on either side of him. He looked at me in surprise and I cupped his face in my hands. "And now, now you're here in front of me." I leaned forward and gently pressed my lips against his, closing my eyes as my hands slid down and around the back of his neck.

His lips molded against mine, our kiss slow, his scent surrounding me, his hands sliding up my back, pulling me closer, making my skin feel like it was on fire, and I could feel his growing erection press against my core.

I heard someone clear their throat, and I pulled away, turning my head to see Sam and Stacey standing in the doorway.

Stacey was grinning from ear to ear, Sam smirking at the position we were caught in.

"Oh." I leaped off Dean's lap and sat next to him, my cheeks burning with embarrassment. He just chuckled and took hold of my hand, giving it a gentle reassuring squeeze.

"About fucking time!" Stacey gushed, clapping her hands together in excitement.

I groaned. "Stacey..."

Dean leaned over and kissed my cheek before looking up at Sam. "Baby?"

Sam shook his head. "Sorry, no sign of her yet, but we did get the supplies needed to make a new curse box."

"Maybe if we get this damned book under lock and key, the curse will be lifted, and we find Baby?" I said in a hopeful tone.

Sam nodded. "She might be right. It's happened with cursed items we've dealt with before so it's worth a try."

Dean clapped and rubbed his hands together. "Well, then lets get this damn box made."


	25. Chapter 25

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **A/N -** Any feedback would be much appreciated!

 **Chapter Twenty four**

The curse box didn't take that long to assemble, and I saw Dean visibly relax when the book was placed inside, and the box was locked.

"I'm feeling lucky already," he said, winking at me.

Stacey had cornered me, her smile contagious as she waited for me to give her all the details about what had happened between Dean and I, while they had been looking for his car.

"Tell em everything." She said excitedly.

I rolled my eyes and smiled. "We kissed."

She raised a brow and slapped my arm. "Well, duh! I want to know what happened that lead to the kiss."

"We talked about stuff. The thought of him dying because of this curse, it made me realise that I do want him with me, that he belongs in my life. We talked a little about what happened, why he did what he did, and I apologised to him for the part I played in this too."

She frowned. "What do you mean?"

I shrugged and looked down at the floor. "For constantly whining about how much I loved Sam. It couldn't have been easy for him. He basically had to deal with my 'unrequited' love for Sam, when he was in love with me the whole time."

"Ah, I get it. Sam told me about that, but that doesn't warrant an apology to Dean though because you didn't know he loved you." She said, nodding.

"But deep down I think I always knew. I was just too stupid to see it and I ended up thinking the feelings I had were for Sam. And then, by the time I realised, it was too late. He'd already made the decision to make me leave."

"Well, I think this calls for a drink," Dean said, holding out his hand for me to take a hold of. "Shall we?"

I grabbed it and he pulled me up, smiling as he wrapped his arms around me. "Let's celebrate finishing this case, un-cursing my ass and new beginnings."

We all walked to the door, a little giddy that we could finally put this exhausting case behind us and go back home. I knew the others would be expecting me to go back to the bunker with them, seen as Dean and I had kind of worked through some stuff, but I wasn't sure if that was what I wanted to do. I didn't want my life to be defined by our relationship, to have to depend on Dean for everything. I mean, I loved him, but I was also still trying to let go of what happened in the past and learn to trust him again. Insecurity about us still plagued my thoughts and I knew I needed to face them head on if I wanted this relationship to work. I shook my head, not wanting all my jumbled thoughts distracted me from having fun with my friends. We all needed this break, this little bit of fun before we inevitably found another hunt.

The walk to the bar didn't take long and soon enough the drinks were flowing and we were having a good time, laughing about past hunts and times where Dean had acted an idiot. Which, to all our surprise, was quite a few. I was feeling pretty buzzed, not drunk but not exactly sober either.

"A toast to Ada," Sam said, raising his glass, "for deciding to take this case which lead to us all finding each other again."

I blushed and shook my head, watching as they clinked their glasses together. "Stop," I giggled. "We would have found each other eventually."

Dean kissed my cheek and I smiled, leaning into him. "I'm glad it was sooner rather than later," he said, "I'll get us another round."

He walked over to the bar to buy us all more drinks, when I saw him turn and smile at her. My stomach dropped as I watched them, her hand still on his arm, his smile as he continued to talk to her. I felt nauseous, and I slid across the booth to get out, but Stacey grabbed my arm, stopping me.

"Hey, are you ok?"

I gave her a tight smile, my eyes flicking over to Dean and the blonde chatting before I looked at her. "Yeah, I just..I feel a little sick..."

She noticing my eyes flicking back and forth between her and Dean at the bar. "Ada, he's only talking,"

"Then why is she touching him!" I hissed, my eyes widening. "Stacey, I'm sorry...I..."

"Listen to me, he loves you Ada. Not some slutty blonde at the bar who can't keep her hands to herself," she said, squeezing my arm. "You know he wouldn't jeopardize his relationship with you by flirting with another woman."

"It doesn't look like it," I muttered, my eyes filling with tears. "He's not exactly pushing her off him."

Sam looked over at me. "Ada look, he's moving away from her. He loves you."

I looked up at them both, but all I could see was her hand on his arm. "I...I'm just being silly, sorry guys. I just need some air, ok?"

They both frowned and glanced at each other, Stacey letting go of my arm. "You sure?" Sam asked, clearly concerned.

I nodded and flashed him a smile. "I'm sure. I'll be back in a minute."

Walking quickly out of the bar, I took in a deep breath of air, willing my pounding heart and my racing thoughts to calm down. I needed to get a grip on this insecurity I was feeling. I knew he loved me, and I knew some big titted blonde in a dive bar wasn't going to change that, but I still had that nagging thought in the back of my mind telling me that I still wasn't good enough for him.

Taking in a deep breath, I sat down on a bench a few yards away from the bar, away from the smell of stale beer and cigarettes. I needed to remember that he loved me. Women flirted with him all the time, I'd watched them plenty of times in the past, and why not? Hell, the man was pure sex. I'd have a hard time passing up the opportunity of flirting with him if I saw him in a bar.

I didn't hear him walk up behind me until I felt a hand on my shoulder, making me jump. My hands flew up to my chest, my heart pounding. "Jesus fuck, Dean! You almost gave me a heart attack!"

He sat down beside me on the bench and gave me a lopsided grin. "Sorry."

I leaned against him and he wrapped his arm around me. "Whatcha doing out here, sweetheart?" he asked.

"Nothing, just needed a bit of fresh air, that's all."

He nodded. "Hmm, ok."

We sat in silence for a few minutes, my eyes closing as I scooted closer to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. "You know, you don't need to get jealous," he said, running his fingers through my hair.

"I know. It's hard not to feel insecure when some busty blonde Barbie is pushing herself on you." I replied quietly, relishing the feel of his fingers in my hair.

He chuckled. "I was trying to politely tell her that my girlfriend was sitting in the booth behind us. When I got back to the table, you weren't there..."

I looked up at him in surprise. "I'm your girlfriend?"

His green eyes sparkled. "Well, yeah. If...if that's ok?"

"I...I guess it is?"

"You don't sound too sure of that."

I sat up. "No, I mean of course I want to be your girlfriend. It's just...it's all happening very quickly. I mean, we haven't properly talked, and we've only kissed..."

He frowned. "I'm pushing things too fast, aren't I? I'm sorry Ada, I shouldn't have just assumed..."

I took hold of his hand. "No, Dean, I'm just over-thinking things. I tend to do that remember?" Resting my head back onto his shoulder, I sighed. "Just be patient with me, I'll get there."

He reached over and picked me up to sit sideways in his lap, resting his forehead against mine. "Whatever you need sweetheart." He breathed against my lips.

I smiled as I peppered kisses on his face, before standing up and pulling his arm for him to do the same. "Come on, lets finish our drinks."

He laughed as he stood up, wrapping his arm around me as we walked back to the bar.

"Oh, shit!" I cursed, stopping and turning back around.

"What's up?"

I patted my pockets. "I think I left my phone on the bench, wait here for a sec while I get it," I said, already walking back to the bench.

I didn't see the sleek black car racing down the road as I bent to pick up my phone. Turning at the sound of screeching tyres, my eyes widening in terror when I saw the car headed towards me, my head turning towards Dean as I heard him shout my name before my world went black.


	26. Chapter 26

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **A/N -** Bit of a filler chapter but we get into some action. Teensy bit of angst. Feedback fuels my ego!

 **Chapter Twentyfive**

I woke to the sound of beeping, my eyes fluttering open and seeing nothing but white. "Am I in heaven?" I croaked, my throat as dry as a desert.

I heard a chair scrape across the floor and someone chuckle as the bed dipped beside me. "Not heaven sweetheart. Just a standard hospital room."

Turning my head towards his voice, I saw Dean sitting on the bed, holding a cup of water to my lips and I drank it greedily. "What happened?" I asked after drinking my fill.

He pulled the cup away and placed it on the side table. "You were hit by a car."

I frowned. "Oh." I moved to sit up, wincing at the ache in my body. "That would be why I'm in the hospital and feeling like I went ten rounds with Rocky."

He smiled at me. "Doc said you're ok, few cuts and bruises but nothing serious." He looked down at our hands. "You were lucky."

He looked upset, and I knew in that beautiful head of his, he was blaming himself. "Hey, I'm still here. Your newly returned good luck must have rubbed off on me." I said, squeezing his hand in an effort to make him feel better.

He looked back up at me, his face serious. "Or I'm still cursed. The car that hit you was the Impala."

My eyes widened. "Oh."

Sam and Stacey walked into the room, Stacey immediately walking up to my bed and taking hold of my free hand. "Don't you scare us like that again."

"I'm glad you're ok Ada," Sam said, standing next to Stacey and smiling down at me. "You're lucky you only suffered minor cuts and bruises."

I grimaced. "Yeah, Dean told me it was the Impala that hit me. Which, how the hell have I only got cuts and bruises and nothing more serious?"

Sam shrugged and looked as perplexed as I felt. "By the time the Impala hit you, it had significantly slowed down, but you did go flying backwards. I'm actually surprised you didn't break anything." He sat down on a chair that was next to my bed. "The Impala barely has any damage. Bumper is a bit banged up, but I've seen it worse. We're thinking that maybe the curse box didn't work."

My brows shot up. The thought of this curse still clinging onto Dean made my heart pound in my chest. "It was just a coincidence guys! It can't be the curse," I said, trying to convince myself.

Dean perked up a little. "Yeah, what she said."

Stacey snorted. "A coincidence? Getting hit by the very car, the car that the love of your life drives and that was stolen only a few hours ago, is coincidence? Seems like more than a coincidence to me." She shrugged. "It could all mean nothing, it could just be a coincidence, but are you willing to risk it?"

Dean looked at me and frowned. "Son of a bitch."

I gave him a half smile. "Well, at least we found Baby, so that's a plus, right?"

They all looked somber and I couldn't blame them, I felt the same. Knowing that Dean could possibly still be cursed was making us all on edge because we didn't know what was going to hapen.

"We need to find the original box," Sam said, stretching out his legs. "We checked all the vic's homes but found nothing. And the wives didn't seem to know anything about a box."

Stacey sat down on his lap. "It's got to be at the first vic's house. He was the original buyer, the box was shipped to him. And his wife never mentioned giving a metal box to the next vic, she said she only gave the book away."

I nodded, agreeing with Stacey that the box must be at the first vic's house. "Maybe he stored it somewhere? He thought the whole curse was a joke until his luck started to go south. Maybe that's where he was driving too. Not the second vic's house, but a storage unit with the box in it?"4"We can check with his wife again, see if he has any kind of storage facilities." Stacey said, "Or maybe he pawned it?"

Sam's forehead furrowed, and he sighed. "We'll go and check it out again." He looked at Dean. "Sorry dude, but you're on lockdown again."

"Great," he sighed in frustration.

I nudged him with my foot. "Hey, I'll be with you. It's not like I can do much, after all I have just been hit by a car." I looked over a Sam. "So, when can I get out of this place? We need to find this box as soon as possible." I said, moving to get out of the bed. I hated hospitals, and I wanted to get out of here.

Stacey stood up and walked to the door. "I'll get the doc to discharge you so we can get you back to the motel."


	27. Chapter 27

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **A/N -** Any feedback would be much appreciated.

 **Chapter twenty six**

Dean helped me walk into the motel room, both of us sitting down on the sofa. I rested my head on his shoulder and sighed. My entire body ached.

Sam swept through the room, removing all the weapons, anything sharp and anything that could potentially be dangerous. "Ok, we're going to check with the wife first then come back to the motel."

"Bring food," Dean said, turning to look at his brother. "I'm starved."

Sam rolled his eyes. "You're cursed and you're thinking about food?" he shook his head. "Normal cholesterol filled, heart attack inducing greasy diner food?"

"You know it," he said, nodding. "And pie. Don't forget the pie."

"I won't forget the pie," Sam called as he shut the door.

"I bet he forgets the pie," I giggled.

Dean scowled. "He always forgets the pie."

As much as my body ached, I didn't want to move from his arms. He made me feel safe despite being cursed. "Hey, Dean?"

"Mmm," he murmured against my hair.

"Could you...can you..." I could feel my face burning with embarrassment. "Can you help me take a bath?" I asked quietly. I knew he would help me, but it would mean he would see me naked for the first time, and it was embarrassing having to ask him for help.

He shifted on the sofa to look at me. "Of course I will," his tongue slid across his bottom lip. "I mean, only if you're sure."

My eyes fell to his lips, watching his tongue slide across his bottom lip again before he bit down on it gently. This man was sexy as hell and he knew it.

"Ada, are you sure?" he asked again, hooking his finger under my chin and raising my head up.

I nodded. I knew I couldn't do this alone, my body was too stiff and sore, and usually I would just wait until I felt a little better, but I needed to relax, I needed to wash off all this grime and dirt covering me.

He helped me stand up and we walked slowly over to the bathroom, opening the door for me and leading me to sit on the toilet before plugging the bath and turning on the water. He turned to me and smiled. "We need to take your clothes off sweetheart. Do you need me to help?"

I bit my lip and nodded. "Please,"

He knelt in front of me and unbuttoned my shirt, sliding it down my arms and onto the floor. "Can you raise your arms for me?"

I slowly raised my arms, grimacing at the pain I felt shooting through me. I watched with wide eyes as he took hold of the hem of my t-shirt, lifting it up and over my head. He looked at me and frowned at the developing bruises across my chest and ribs, reaching out and touching them gently. "Son of a bitch," he said quietly, looking up at me. "You bruise like a damn peach."

My heart was pounding in my chest at how close he was to me, and profoundly aware that I was sitting in front of him in just my bra and jeans, my eyes closing as he cupped my cheek in his hand.

"You are so beautiful Ada," he murmured, pressing his lips to my forehead. "We need to take off the rest of your clothes, ok?"

I took in a deep breath and gave him a shaky smile. "Ok."

He reached over to the bath and turned off the tap, checking the water to see if it was hot enough.

I reached down to unbutton my jeans, Dean helping me to wiggle out of them, more bruises appearing to cover both legs, making him frown again, and he threw them on top of the rest of my clothes. I felt a little exposed, sitting in front of him in just my underwear and I moved my arms to cover myself, but he took hold of my hands.

"Hey, hey, it's ok. You can keep your underwear on, ok? Will that make you feel more comfortable?"

"I'm sorry Dean," I began, looking up into his eyes. "I..."

He shook his head. "You don't need to say sorry sweetheart." He held out his hand and helped me walk over to the tub. "Can you get in ok?"

I lifted my leg and slowly climbed into the hot bath, grimacing at the pain echoing through me as I lowered myself into the water. "Oh, Dean. This is perfect."

He smiled as he sat back on his heels. "Do you want me to stay or can you..."

I reached out and grabbed his hand. "Stay. I want you to stay."

"Ok."

We looked at each other, his pupils so big I swear I could see into his soul. Pain, misery, heartache, loss, all swimming in his eyes. But that glint, that bright spark of happiness and love shone brighter than the stars in the night sky.

My body ached and despite sitting in this hot bath, goosebumps prickled all over my skin. I reached for the sponge, wincing as pain shot through me, Dean immediately taking the sponge out of my hand, his eyes seeking permission to help wash me. I swallowed and nodded, watching as he dipped the sponge into the water before squeezing it over me, and gently running the sponge over my skin.

The room seemed to shrink around us, and the only thing I could focus on was him. The freckles sprinkled over his lightly tanned face, the crinkles in the corners of his eyes from laughing and smiling, to the small scar just above his left eyebrow. He was beautiful.

He reached up to grab the shower head, pulling it down and turning it on, keeping the cold water away from me as it warmed up. I looked at him curiously and he smiled. "To help wash your hair, if that's ok?"

I smiled back and nodded, carrying on watching him as he pulled the shower over to me, letting the water cascade down my hair and back. The sweet smell of strawberries filled my nose when he flicked open the lid of my shampoo, squeezing a small amount onto my hair. He let the shower head fall into the bath then brought his hands up to gently massage the shampoo into my hair.

Butterflies invaded my stomach and I let out an involuntary moan, Dean's fingers pausing for a second before he continued his massage. It felt so good, feeling his fingers in my hair and I closed my eyes, relaxing a little. The room was filled with sexual tension, both of us breathing heavily as he started to rinse my hair. My body ached, but my skin felt like it was on fire, his touch sending shockwaves through my body.

He rinsed my hair and let the shower head drop again, reaching up to turn it off before turning back to me. "Do you need help..."

Nodding, I reached up to take hold of his hands so that I could stand, only to slip and fall into his arms, crying out in pain. He had managed to catch me, one arm holding onto my shoulder and his other hand pressing against my bra-covered breasts. "Dean..." I looked down at his hand, his eyes following then widening as he realised where his hand was. "Oh, shit, sorry," he said, moving his hand to my arm.

I smiled, holding onto him tightly as I climbed out of the bath. We stood in front of each other staring, until I began to shiver. He grabbed a towel, wrapping it around my shivering body before leading me back into the room.

"There are some shorts and a tank I usually wear for bed in my bag," I said, still shivering. "Also, some painkillers would be nice."

"Got it." he rummaged through my bag, placing my nightwear on the bed and turning to me. "I'll leave you to get cha..."

"Please," I said, grabbing his arm. "Stay. I...I need your help taking off..." I opened my towel a little, my soaking wet bra and panties dripping water onto the floor.

His eyes widened, and he cleared his throat, adjusting himself in his jeans and taking a deep breath. "Are you..."

"Yes," I nodded. "I can't...it's too painful."

He walked behind me, and I dropped the towel to my waist to let him unclasp my bra. His fingers were warm against my cold skin, and he slid the straps of my bra down my arms slowly before moving in front of me. I lifted the towel to drape over my shoulders and dropped my arms, letting my bra drop to the floor. I could see Dean was trying hard not to look at my bare breasts, keeping his eyes firmly on mine. Reaching up, I cupped the side of his face. "You can look Dean. I don't mind."

He let out a shaky breath and slowly glanced down, letting out a low moan. "You're killing me, Ada," he murmured, reaching out to touch me. My nipples hardened, and I swallowed hard as his fingers danced across my breasts and across to my shoulders, ghosting over the bruises beginning to show. He frowned. "I'm sorry."

"This wasn't your fault," I said quietly, lifting his head up so I could look at him. "The bruises will fade."

"But..."

I shook my head. "No buts. Now help me change."

He nodded, "Yes, ma'am," and picked up my tank. I raised my arms slowly, my eyes closing and my face scrunching up with the pain and effort it took. He slid the tank over my head and arms, pulling it down over my breast, his finger grazing the sides.

He looked at me for permission to continue and I bit my bottom lip nodding. He squatted down in front of me, his hands sliding up my thighs and hooking his fingers under the elastic of my panties. My breath hitched, my heart pounding in my chest as he slowly pulled them down.

"Fuck," he whispered, biting down on his bottom lip. I place my hand on his head as I lifted one leg to let him remove my panties, doing the same with the other, and he threw them across the room, reaching for my shorts and sliding them up my legs.

My core was pulsating with the need to feel him, to feel his skin pressed against mine, his lips and hands exploring my body, pulling and pushing, taking what we both so desperately needed. But I was in no position to fulfill my desire. My body needed time to recover, for the bruises and aches and pain to disappear.

He stood up and took hold of my hands, leading me over to the bed and pulling the covers back to let me climb in and make myself comfortable, before he went to get me a glass of water and some painkillers. I looked over at him sitting next to me as I swallowed the pills and handing him the glass. "I'm sorry."

He turned back to look at me. "Sorry for what?"

I fiddled with the blanket. "For not being able to..."

"You don't need to say sorry for that sweetheart," he said, climbing into bed next to me.

I snuggled up next to him, laying my head on his chest. "I want too. I want you so much."

His fingers ran through my damp hair. "And you've got me. Let's get you back to 100% ok?"

I nodded against his chest. "Thank you, Dean," I murmured, yawning. "I love you."

He kissed the top of my head. "I know."


	28. Chapter 28

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **A/N -** Little bit of smut for ya. Any feedback is much appreciated.

 **Chapter Twentyseven**

I woke up groaning, my body protesting every movement I made. Dean was lying beside me, his arm flung over my stomach and snoring softly. I smiled, reluctant to wake him but I needed to move, to stretch out my stiff and aching muscles. "Dean," I nudged him gently. "Dean I need to move."

He moaned and nuzzled his head into my neck, his breath hot against my skin. I inhaled sharply, arching my neck slightly and closing my eyes at the sensation of his breath flowing across my skin. It wasn't just my body aching anymore and I let my hand wander down my body slowly, until my fingers pressed against my clit. I gasped when I felt his lips press against my neck, peppering kisses up to my jaw.

"Whatcha doing there sweetheart?" he whispered in my ear.

"N...nothing," I murmured, my hand retreating to lay on my stomach.

He smiled against my skin, his tongue flicking out to lick my ear lobe before biting it softly. "Hmm, doesn't feel like nothing to me."

I moaned, turnng to look at him. "Dean,"

He pressed his finger to my lips, his eyes never leaving mine before kissing me gently, our lips moving slowly against each other. I closed my eyes, ignoring the pain radiating through my body, and went to move onto my side to face him. He pressed his hand onto my chest, stopping me before pulling away and looking at me. "Don't move," he whispered, a small smile playing on his lips.

I whimpered as his hand slowly descended, his fingers sliding under my tank top and tracing around my hardened nipples, pinching them softly. The pleasure mixed with the pain in my body made me groan and I closed my eyes, letting myself feel his hands explore my body and trace over the curves of my body. The bed shifted slightly as he moved to free his other hand to tangle in my hair, pulling at it gently, making my neck arch back. He pressed kisses along my shoulders, leading up to my throat and I moaned when I felt his fingers slide under the elastic of my shorts. My breath hitched, my pussy aching as I rolled my hips forward. I felt his breath on my ear, my fingers gripping the sheets on the bed tightly as he slid his fingers through my folds again, making me roll my hips again.

The pain in my body had all but disappeared from my mind as I lost myself to the feel of Dean's hands on me, the tingling sensation as he traced his fingers lightly over my pussy and through my folds. "Dean..." I whisper-moaned, turning to look at him. His pupils blown wide, his own breathing slightly erratic as he looked back at me, dipping a finger into my wet pussy then dragging it up and over my hardened clit. I lost all of my senses, my eyes closing again and my back arching as he began to slowly pump two fingers in and out of me, using his thumb to circle my clit.

Pressure was building inside me, my body alight with pleasure and pain. My hands were twisting in the sheets and he started to move a little faster, the only sounds were my breathy moans and the squelching sound of his fingers fucking me, which was turning me on even more. "Dean..." I groaned, rolling my hips in time with his fingers, my orgasm building and building...the coil tightening...

"Oh god...Dean..." my back arched, and I moaned loudly as I exploded around his fingers, my pussy pulsating and coating his fingers with my slick.

"Fuck Ada," he moaned as he continued to pump his fingers, prolonging my orgasm as much as he could.

I was trying to catch my breath, my legs trembling and my body jerking from the last pulsating shocks of pleasure coursing through me. He slowly removed his fingers, bringing them up to lick them clean but I wrapped my mouth around them, looking at him as I sucked my juices off them. He groaned as he watched me, his rock hard cock pushing against my thigh. As soon as the pleasure faded away, pain spread through me, making me wince slightly.

He immediately sat up, looking at me in concern. "Shit, Ada, I.m sorry...I shouldn't have..."

I pulled him back and pressed my fingers to his lips. "Ssshhh, I'm fine," I let my other hand slide up his thigh, stopping at the top of his pants. "Let me return the favour..." I whispered.

He grabbed my hand. "Ada, you're in pain, I can't let you..."

I gripped his hip tightly. "I'm fine Dean, I've felt worse." I said, resting my forehead against his. "I want to..."

His green eyes searched mine, making sure I actually wanted to do this, and I nodded. He let go of my hand, bringing it up to cup my face. "Ok,"

My hand immediately slid his pants down over his hips, sitting up and straddling his legs, trapping them beneath mine. Leaning forward, I used one hand to pump his cock while the other played with his balls. He looked right at me, groaning when I licked my lips, his eyes dropping to watch me slide my hand up and down his length. I swirled my thumb over the tip, collecting his pre-cum and using it as a lubricant as I began to pump faster.

"Shit...I'm not...not going to last long..." he moaned, thrusting his hips up in time with my movements.

I scooted down further so that I could take the tip of his leaking cock in my mouth. He grabbed my hair, thrusting up into my mouth fast and hard, fucking my mouth until he groaned loudly, thick ropes of his cum shooting down my throat. He stilled, his hands still in my hair and I sucked and licked him clean.

"Holy shit, Ada," he muttered as I moved back up to lie next to him. "You didn't have too..."

I smiled around a grimace as the pain I'd been ignoring all morning shot through me in retaliation. "I wanted to Dean," I nodded my head towards the painkillers on the table. "Pain meds?"

"Oh shit, yeah," he jumped off the bed, pulling up his pants and grabbed the tablets, handing them to me before he went to get a glass of water.

I threw a couple in my mouth, gratefully taking the water off him and swallowed them before laying back down exhausted. He sat on the bed and stroked the side of my face. "You're amazing, you know that?"

I smiled softly, bliss flowing through me as well as muted pain, my head leaning into his hand as my eyes began to close. "Mmm...love...you..."

I felt him kiss my forehead. "And I love you sweetheart, more than anything."


	29. Chapter 29

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **A/N -** Feedback is gold!

 **Chapter Twentyeight**

Whispers and the smell of food woke me, and I groaned as I stretched out my stiff and sore muscles, hissing at the pain rolling through me.

The whispers stopped, the room going quiet and I opened my eyes. "Dean?"

He walked over to the bed and sat down. "I'm here sweetheart."

I smiled and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. "What's going on?"

"We didn't find the box," Sam said from across the room. "But we know where it might be."

Scooting up the bed, I looked over at him sitting at the table across from Stacey. "Where?"

"Mr Park has a storage facility about 6 hours away. His wife told us that he stores some of his books in there along with his other 'crap', as she so eloquently put it." Stacey said, her head propped up by her hand. She looked tired, as did Sam. "We're going to head there first thing. I need at least a couple hours sleep."

I nodded. I felt guilty knowing that they were searching hard for this box, doubly so now because of my accident. "Good, because you both look exhausted."

"I don't know why you won't let me help," Dean grumbled beside me. "It'll be a lot quicker and then we can kiss this sorry town goodbye."

"And what if something happens to you Dean?" Sam said, clearly frustrated. "Two incidences of bad luck in the space of a couple days? That's far quicker than the vic's run of bad luck. It's safer if you stay in this room with nothing here to harm you."

"That didn't stop your bad luck when you lost that cursed rabbit's foot, did it? So why do you think this is going to be any different?" Dean argued. "It'll be easier if I'm with you. If anything happens, you'll be there to help me."

Sam sighed. "It's not that easy Dean! Staying here, out of the way is easier because then I don't have to worry about making sure you're ok! Anyway, Ada is here, I'm sure she can save you."

I waggled my eyebrows at Dean. "I do know mouth to mouth..."

Stacey sniggered and Sam smirked. "See? She agrees with me."

I nudged him with my foot. "We'll be fine, Dean. I'm sure we can find something to entertain us."

He frowned. "Fine." He looked over at me. "I'll be taking you up on that offer of mouth to mouth..."

Sam scrunched up his face. "Gross," he stood up, taking Stacey's hand and pulling her up. "That's not really something I want to think about," he walked over to the door, "We'll see you in a few hours," he said, as they walked out the door.

As soon as the door closed, Dean was hovering above me. I let out a squeak in surprise and looked up into his sparkling green eyes. "Hey, there," he smiled down at me, "You are so beautiful. How did I end up with an amazing woman like you?"

"Aw shucks, Dean. You're making me blush with all this sweet talk," I said, snaking my arms around his neck and pulling him down to rest gently on top of me. "You're not so bad yourself."

He kissed me softly, and I closed my eyes, letting him deepen the kiss, our tongues dancing with each other as our kiss grew more frenzied.

He rolled his hips up, pushing his growing erection into my core and I moaned. "Dean..."

He continued to thrust against me, his teeth nipping at my neck, "Mmmm,"

As much as I didn't want this to stop, I had to pull away, my body was crying out in pain. "I can't..."

He stopped moving and raised his head to look at me, noticing the slight grimace on my face. "Shit, Ada, I'm sorry..." He pulled away and lay down beside me."

"I don't want you to think I don't want too because I really really do. I'm just so sore, my body is refusing to let me feel anything other than pain at the minute," I tried to explain. I didn't want him to think I didn't want to have sex with him. I want too, I wanted to ride the fuck out of him. I needed too.

He smiled at me, reaching over to stroke my cheek. "I know sweetheart," he said, tucking my hair behind my ear. I leaned into him and yawned. I felt exhausted, and even though I'd slept a good part of the day away already, listening to the steady thump of his heartbeat lulled me back to sleep.

"Dean!"

Something was wrong.

He had his back to me, his head lowered to his chest as he stood there, not moving.

I walked over to him slowly, touching his arm and pulling him round to face me. "Dean?"

He chuckled, his head raising to look at me, his eyes flickering to black. "Dean is a little preoccupied at the minute."

I stumbled back, my feet crossing over each other and I fell backwards onto the ground with a thud before scrambling back away from him. "No..."

He smirked, walking slowly towards me, "I'm going to have some fun with you sweetheart," he said, reaching down to grab my arm.

I swung my fist to punch him, but he caught it with his free hand, squeezing hard until I heard my fingers crack and I screamed out in pain. He grabbed my throat, lifting me off the ground easily. "No!" I cried as I struggled to get out of his vice like grip, my fingers clawing at his hand. "Dean...please..." I croaked, trying to breath, "Fight this...Dean..."

He laughed loudly and squeezed my throat tighter.

"Please..." I begged, looking into his obsidian eyes.

He threw me onto the bed and I quickly tried to scramble off it and run to the door, but he grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled me back, my hands flying up to try and get him to let me go. "Where do you think you're going?" He taunted, pulling my head back and exposing my throat. I didn't see the knife in his hand. I was too busy struggling, trying to get out of his grasp to make a run for it. The moment I felt the cold steel touch my neck, I froze, my breath coming in short pants as I looked up at him with pleading eyes.

"Please...Dean..."

He pressed the knife harder onto my throat and I winced at the sting, feeling blood slowly slide down my skin. "Now, let's try that again, shall we?" He took the knife away and threw me onto the bed again, quickly looming over me to tie my hands to the headboard then following suit with my ankles.

"What do you want? What do you want with Dean?" I shouted, struggling to get out of the restrainsts.

He pulled a chair up in front of me and sat down, his legs wide open as he narrowed his eyes and looked me over. "I gotta say, the man has good taste."

I pulled against the restraints again, wincing at the fabric rubbing against my wrists. "How the hell did you possess him? He has an anti-possession tattoo, there's no way you should have..."

"Oh, you mean this?" he interrupted me and help up what looked like skin, with the tattoo on it. "I think I'm going to have it framed."

"No..." I whispered, staring at the skin he was holding. He threw it onto the table, standing up and walking over to the bed, the knife in his hand. "What say we have a little fun, huh?" he said, sliding the knife down my cheek, blood slowly oozing out of the thin cut.

I tried to move my head out of the way, but he reached over and grabbed my face, his fingers digging into my cheeks. "He's in here, watching. Screaming at me to let you go," he bent down and kissed me, his fingers digging harder into my cheeks. "Let's say we give him a show."


	30. Chapter 30

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **A/N -** Feedback is gold!

 **Chapter Twenty nine**

"No! Dean!"

I shot upright in bed, a thin sheen of sweat covering my body as my heart pounded against my chest.

Dean shot up with me, gun in hand as he looked around the room for any sign of danger before noticing me breathing heavily beside him. "Ada?" He reached out and touched my arm, and I instinctively flinched away from him. He pulled back and watched me carefully. "Ada, are you ok?"

I tried to catch my breath, tears filling my eyes and I looked over at him. "Dean," I whispered, before falling into his arms and sobbing into his chest.

He wrapped his arms around me. "Hey, hey, it's ok sweetheart. I'm here," he murmured into my hair.

But I couldn't stop crying. Images of my nightmare filled my head, of watching him torture me, his black eyes staring at me while he cut into my body. I knew it wasn't real, I knew that it was my mind playing tricks on me, but it had felt so real. I had felt the pain of the knife he used to dig into my flesh, the fear that had built inside me, the panic at seeing his eyes flicker black in place of the emerald green I loved.

He pulled me tighter to him, rubbing my back as my sobs turned to hiccups. "It's ok, sweetheart."

I looked up at him. "I'm...I'm sorry..."

He shook his head. "Hey, no apologies. What happened?"

"I dreamt..." I took a deep breath, my eyes filling up again. "You were a ...a demon and...and you were torturing me..." I whispered as I leaned my head into the crook of his neck.

"Look at me," he said, pulling my head up to look at me, "See? I'm not a demon ok? It's just me,"

I nodded as I looked into his green eyes, reassuring myself that he was just Dean. My Dean.

He lay back down, pulling me with him and I cuddled up to him, wrapping my arm around his chest as I snuggled my head into his neck. My Dean, I thought as I drifted back to sleep. My Dean."

"I still think I should go,"

Dean was leaning against the bathroom door frame, his arms crossed as he looked at Sam.

Sam pinched his nose and sighed, clearly frustrated with his brother. "We've already been through this Dean. It's safer for you to stay here, out of danger, while we get the box."

"You don't know if the box is even at this warehouse! And I can't just sit here doing nothing for a full day while you find out!"

I looked between them both. They were both stubborn sons of bitches and I knew neither of them would back down. "Look," I said, sitting down at the table. "Nothing is going to get resolved if you two keep bickering with each other! Sam, I understand why you want to keep Dean on lock down, and Dean, I know you need to feel like you're doing something to help. So why don't we all go to the warehouse."

Stacey nodded in agreement. "she's right. At least then we can all keep an eye on him. Three pairs of eyes on him are better than one."

I smiled. "See? Problam solved."

Sam shook his head. "Fine." He looked at Dean. "Stay close to us. No funny business, I mean it."

He held up his hands in surrender, a grin plastered over his face. "Wouldn't dream of it Sammy,"

The drive to the warehouse was boring, long and uneventful. Sitting in the back seat of the Impala for 6 hours had made my body stiff and sore, and the minute the car rolled to a stop, I was out of the car, raising my arms and stretching out. "Oh my god, that feels so good."

Sam was looking at a piece of paper with the address written on it, making sure we were at the right place. "This is it."

The building was large, a set of double doors leading to the reception area. We all walked in, Sam going to the reception desk. "Hi, we are here to look at storage unit 63."

The sat behind the desk barely looked up. "I.D."

Sam glanced at us, then pulled out his FBI badge, sliding it across the desk. "We need to get into that unit."

The clerk looked at the badge, his eyes widening as he sat up. "Yes...sorry agent," he reached behind him to grab a set of keys off the wall, sliding Sam's badge back along with the keys.

Sam picked them up. "Thanks."

We all walked through the door into the dark corridor, the lights flickering on and off making it a lot more creepy than it should be. We came to a stop at a crossroads in between the units, 4 corridors to search.

"Split up?" Dean asked, already moving to walk down a corridor.

I grabbed his arm and pulled him back. "I don't think so. There is no way you are going alone in this creepy ass warehouse." I said, "Still cursed, remember?"

He shrugged. "And? I'll be careful. We need to find that unit."

"You'll be careful? I wouldn't put you and careful in the same sentence," Stacey smirked.

"I'm careful. I'm the epitome of careful," he said, smiling widely.

I scoffed. "Uh huh, of course you are," I pulled him towards me and linked arms before turning to Sam. "I'll take Mr careful here and search corridor number one. Shout when we find it?"

Sam nodded, and we split up; myself and Dean taking one corridor while Stacey took one and Sam took another. The sooner we found the unit the better. I kept my arm linked with Dean's as we walked down the corridor. The whole place gave me the heebie-jeebies. "I don't think the unit is down here." I said, clutching onto his arm. This is stupid, I thought. I fight monsters all the time but I'm creeped out by a dark corridor?

He chuckled. "Scared?"

"No!" I punched him lightly in the arm. "It's just all kinds of creepy."

"We kill creepy shit all the time and you're scared of some flickering lights in a corridor?" He smiled down at me. "I'll keep you safe sweetheart."

"Haha, very funny." I pointed to a couple of units. "Look, we are in the low numbers here. Unit 23, unit 24. We may as well go back and check the last corridor."

He nodded and we turned, walking back to the crosswords.

"Shouldn't there be like a sign or something to tell us which way to go?" I said, looking at the units and walls. "It's so easy to get lost in here. I wouldn't be surprised if we found the skeletal remains of the last person to get lost in here."

We heard a loud whistle coming from one of the corridors, and we walked towards it until we saw Sam and Stacey standing in front of unit 63. Sam took the key out of his pocket and opened the lock, bending to pull the shutter up. It was as dark inside the unit as it was in the corridor and I squinted to look inside. "Why is it so fucking dark in here? Buy some fucking lights or something, jeez."

The boys pulled out their flashlights, turning them on and scanning inside the unit and stepping inside. There were books piled precariously higher than us all through out the unit. There wasn't much room to move, the place looked like a hoarders dream, with furniture pushed in here as well as the books. My eyes searched for a metal box, but I was worried that if we delved further into the unit, one of us could get hurt.

Most likely Dean would get hurt.

"Guys, its too cluttered. We need to figure out how to get in there to have a good look." I said, stepping back into the corridor.

Sam bent down, trying to look deeper into the unit. "I can see something but it's near the back."

I bent down next to him, squinting at where he was pointing the flashlight. It was definitely metal, and box shaped. "I think that maybe it."

"How the hell are we going to get it?" Stacey asked, squatting to take a look herself.

"We could take everything out until we reach it?" I suggested as I straightened up. "It'll take a while, but I don't see an alternative."

Dean looked at me, bent down to look at the space in the unit, then back up at me. "You could fit in there easily."

We all looked at him, Sam shaking his head. "No. It's far too dangerous for her to go in there."

I squatted back down and tilted my head. The space was big enough for me to get in, and with a little manoeuvering, I could reach the box. "I'll give it a try," I said, standing up and putting my hands on my hips.

Sam stood up. "No. No way am I going to let you go in there. Not after what happened with the Impala! I can see the bruises covering your arms, Ada, and I'm guessing they are all over you too."

"They're just bruises Sam! I've had worse, hell I was stabbed a couple months ago!"

!That was over 9 months ago!" He shook his head, his forehead creasing. "Sorry, but I'm not risking it. We can just take everything out..."

"Fuck..."

We heard Stacey curse and a loud thud echoing through the corridor as a stack of books fell to the floor, and we all spun around. She was lying halfway out of the unit, the box in her hands and her bottom half covered in books.

"Little help?" she asked, holding up her hand for Sam to grab.

He looked furious, his jaw clenching and his face turning red. I looked over at Dean with wide eyes and he grinned back at me.

Sam grabbed her hand and pulled her out easily, watching with narrow eyes as she stood up and brushed herself down before looking up at us. "Got the box."

I watched as Sam took a deep breath to calm himself down. "Do you know how dangerous it was going in there?" he said, looking at her.

She obviously didn't know how angry he was, or if she did, it didn't seem to bother her. "I'm fine Sam. I got the box, didn't I?"

"That's not the point. What if something bigger and heavier than books fell on you?"

"But it didn't," she walked over to him, reaching up on her tip toes and kissed the end of his nose. "I'm fine baby."

He looked at her and sighed. "Don't ever do that again."

She glanced over at me and winked, before smiling up at him. "I promise."

She has him totally wrapped around her little finger, I thought watching them. And he loves it. I looked over at Dean, who was shaking his head in fake disgust. "He is totally whipped."

I nudged his arm. "He's happy, leave them be."

Sam picked up the metal box. There were symbols engraved into the steel and what looked like an engraved lock too. "This is different to any curse box I've seen," he said, fascinated by the intricacies and details to the box. "Whoever made this box knew that book was deadly. The symbols are engraved into the metal meticulously, they definitely didn't want anyone to get that book."

"Mr Park definitely paid the price for his need to get a hold of the book," I said, running my hand over the top of the box. "Now we just need to put the book inside and make sure no one else can get their hands on it."

"The bunker should be a good place to store it," Stacey said, "At least then we know it won't get into the wrong hands."

Sam looked at Dean. "The book?"

"Baby," he said. "Let's get this done and get the hell outta this town."


	31. Chapter 31

**La Douleur Exquise**

 _The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable._

 **A/N -** Well, this is it. Thank you to whoever is reading my little story. Feedback would be wonderful!

 **Chapter Thirty**

The book was exactly where Dean had said it was. In the trunk of baby.

We all stood around, watching as Sam carefully picked up the book and placed it in the box, locking it up. A wave of air pushed past us all, making my hair fly back, and we looked at each other with wide eyes.

"I think it worked," I said, grabbing hold of Dean's arm. "How do you feel?"

He shrugged. "Fine. But I felt fine the last time and look what happened."

Sam tucked the box into the trunk ans slammed it shut. "I suppose we just have to wait and see. If nothing happens over the next few hours, then I think we can assume the curse has lifted."

I sighed in relief, knowing in my heart that the curse was gone, and I pulled Dean towards me, reaching up on my tip toes and kissing him full on the lips.

"What was that for? Not that I'm complaining," he asked, smiling down at me and wrapping his arms around my waist.

I rested my head on his chest. "Because I love you. And I'm glad this is over."

His smile faltered a little. "I hope it's over," he said before looking up. "Let's go home."

I was getting nervous the closer we got to the bunker. Sitting in the back of the Impala with Stacey, I kept fidgeting with my t-shirt until she grabbed my hand. I turned to look at her, my brows rising in surprise.

"You nervous?" she asked.

I nodded. "Super nervous. I haven't been in the bunker for nearly a year."

She laughed. "It hasn't changed that much."

Smiling, I sat back against the seat. "It'll change a little," I said, looking at Dean through the rear view mirror, "I'll be with Dean."

Stepping back into the bunker was a little surreal, and I paused at the top of the stairs to look around.

"You ok?" Dean whispered in my ear, stepping behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist.

I leaned back into him, my head resting on his chest. "I'm home."

He kissed the top of my head. "It was never the same without you here."

I laughed, looking down at the empty beer bottles littered across the desks in the library. "I can see."

He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck, his cheeks tinging red. "Yeah, sorry. If I knew I'd be bringing back the love of my life, I'd have spruced up the place."

I turned and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Hmm, the love of your life? I like the sound of that." Leaning up, I kissed him again. "Why don't we take this to another room?"

His green eyes sparkled, and he smiled. "You don't have to tell me twice," he said, grabbing me and flinging me over his shoulder.

I let out a squeak and slapped his ass. "Dean! I can walk you know!"

He laughed. "This way is faster."

He walked through the bunker, putting me down gently once we reached his room. "Ada,"

I started to back up as he kicked the door shut and stalked towards me, arousal pooling to my core as his head dropped slightly, his pupils dilated to the point where all I could see was black. And it was hot as hell.

I gasped when my back hit a wall, my eyes widening when he placed his hands on either side of my head, leaning forward, his face inches from my own. His breath fanned across my face, and I knew it was taking all his strength not to take me right here, right now.

"Ada," he whispered, moving his body closer to mine. "I need to know...I need..." he closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath.

I was practically panting, my chest heaving with each ragged breath I took. He wasn't even touching me, yet my body felt like it was on fire. One touch, one press of my lips against his and I knew we were done for. I brought my hands up and gripped the front of his shirt, his eyes snapping open, searching mine for permission. I moved forward slightly, our lips barely touching. "Kiss me Dean," I murmured, gripping his shirt tighter and pulling him towards me.

He pushed me back against the wall, lips mashing against mine in a kiss so desperate, so needy and passionate it left me breathless. His hands dropped to my sides, gripping my ass as he lifted me up, my legs wrapping around his waist, the feel of his hard cock pushing into my pussy, making me grind against him, and I moaned into his mouth. He pulled away panting, both our lips swollen, and he brought up a hand to cradle my face, leaning his forehead against mine as we both tried to catch our breath. "Ada, are you..." he whispered, the need in his voice palpable.

I stared into his lust filled eyes and nodded. "Fuck me Dean."

That was all the permission he needed.

I gripped his hair and pulled his head back, licking my way up his throat to his jaw line before biting down on his ear lobe.

He moaned loudly. "Fuck," and rocked his hips up into my cloth covered pussy. Pulling me off the wall, he kept a tight hold of me before throwing me on the bed, crawling over me slowly, his hands running up my legs to my waist, his fingers making quick work of the buttons on my jeans before pulling them off and throwing them to the floor. I sat up a little and yanked off my t-shirt, leaving me exposed, lying there with just my panties on. "No bra," he breathed as he took in the sight of me, palming his cock through his jeans. "Fuck, you're beautiful."

"Dean," I groaned, running my fingers under my panties and through my soaking folds. "Less talking, more fucking."

He growled, bending to kiss my inner thighs, his hands sliding up to cup my sex, making me buck my hips. He pushed me down, using one of his arms to keep me still as he kissed my soaked panties covered pussy. "You're so wet for me baby," he murmured, his fingers sliding under the elastic to press my clit lightly.

My back arched, and I moaned. "Ffuucckk..."

He ripped my panties off, throwing the torn fabric behind him before sliding his fingers through my folds, opening me up before kissing my clit and sucking it into his mouth.

I gasped, my hands gripping the sheets underneath me. He licked a long strip from my ass to my clit, pushing two fingers inside me, turning them to start a come hither motion inside me, stroking my g spot until I was a quivering mess, and I came hard, my back arching and my toes curling as my pussy throbbed around his fingers. "Oh my god, Dean..."

He looked up at me, his dark eyes hypnotising, and I couldn't look away, watching as he crawled up my body, keeping me locked in his gaze. My entire body was on fire, flames running through my limbs and straight to my core.

I grabbed his shirt, lifting it up and over his head, my hands trailing down over his muscular chest to undo his jeans, my fingers fumbling with the buttons, the urge to feel him inside me making me impatient.

He sat up slightly, helping me unfasten his jeans before pulling them down, along with his boxers. He looked magnificent, his hard thick cock bouncing against his stomach. I wanted to taste him, no I _needed_ to taste him.

Flipping him over onto his back, I straddled him, his cock sliding between my folds and I continued to rub myself over his cock, making us both moan. Leaning forward, I pressed my lips softly against his, teasing him with my tongue until he grabbed my hair and yanked me forward, our lips moving in sync, the kiss growing more needy by the second. I pulled away, both of us breathing heavily and I started to slide down his body, nipping at his nipples and kissing every inch of skin I could see. I squeezed my breasts together around his length, pumping his cock between them and lowering my head to lick the tip of his cock.

"Fuck," he growled, his grip in my hair tightening, pulling my head up slightly, watching as I swirled my tongue around the tip every time it appeared through my breasts. I moved down lower, my hand gripping his cock tightly, pumping him slowly as I licked and sucked his balls into my mouth and taking him in until he hit the back of my throat.

He moaned low in his throat and gripping my hair, pulling me up, "I'm not gonna last it you keep doing that sweetheart," he groaned as he watched me.

I grinned and licked the length of his dick, slowly making my way back up, kissing and biting along the way until I was straddling him again. His hands gripped my waist as I sat up, lining his cock up to my dripping pussy and sunk down slowly, my mouth dropping open in a silent moan, until he was fully sheathed inside me. I sat still for a minute, the sounds of our heavy breathing filled the room, the feeling of completeness overwhelming me, like we were made just for each other. I slowly began to move, my hands resting in his chest as I raised myself up and down on his cock, keeping up the agonisingly slow pace, our eyes locked together. His fingers dug into my waist as he strained to keep still, letting me control my movements, my teasing. But it didn't last.

I sat up, my eyes closing as I ran my hands down my body. "Dean...fuck..." squeezing my breasts and pinching my nipples. I heard Dean groan and my eyes snapped open, watching him watch me. My thighs were burning from the effort of riding him and I leaned back, resting my hands on his thighs to give me leverage as I started to move faster. I let me head drop back, feeling Dean press his fingers against my clit and rubbing it in small circles.

"Dean..." I moaned, my orgasm building, the coil tightening and ready to snap..."Oh my...fuck..." My pussy exploded around him, my movements stuttering as I pulsated around him. He sat up, pulling me flush against his chest, his lips crashing onto mine in a greed, passionate kiss, his hands sliding down my back to grip my ass as I kept grinding myself against him, pleasure overtaking my body and he began to meet me thrust for thrust. He grabbed my hair and yanked my head back, a throaty moan escaping my lips as he licked and nipped at my throat.

"So beautiful Ada...I love hearing you moan my name..."

"Dean..." I whined, "I'm gonna..."

He flipped me over and I gasped in surprise, pushing my chest into the mattress, my ass in the air and my pussy fully exposed to him. He slapped my ass and I yelped, the slight pain mixed with my arousal making me even more wet. He lined himself up, the tip of his cock teasing my hole and I moved back a little, eager to feel his thick cock inside me again.

He slammed into me, hitting that sweet spot and making me grip the sheets, my toes curling. He kept up a steady pace, pounding my pussy, his cock hitting that spot every time and I could feel another orgasm building. He pulled me up, my back against his chest, and gripped my throat lightly. "You want me to fill you up sweetheart? Cum inside that sweet pussy of your?" he whispered in my ear as he continued to pound into me. "Mmm, you feel so good wrapped around my cock baby, so fucking tight and wet for me..."

I moaned loudly. "Please..."

His other hand snaked around my waist and slowly made its way down to my clit, slapping it lightly before pinching it between his fingers.

"Ffuucckk...Dean..."

"You like that?" He pounded into me harder, his breathing more erratic as he chased his own release. "You like feeling my big cock spread you open? Ready for me to fill you up...god, baby, I'm gonna cum..."

My own release was teetering on the edge and the moment I heard him groan, felt him pulse, his hot streams of cum shooting inside me and I called out his name, my pussy milking the last bits of cum streaming from his cock.

We were both breathing heavily, and we collapsed onto the bed. He pulled me towards him, brushing my hair aside from my sweaty face. "That was..."

"Amazing," I finished for him.

He smiled down at me and kissed my forehead. "I love you, Ada."

I smiled back, reaching my hand up to cup his face. "I know."


End file.
